You are amazing, and wonderful and supportive. I hope your husband will continue to see the light break through his fog.
I don't understand what you said about Retrouvaille....that he would be put on the spot and have to talk. That isn't what happens at Retrouvaille at all. You listen to the presenters tell their stories. Then you answer questions about your feelings in a journal. Then the spouses exchange journals and read what the other has written and discuss it privately. There is no group interaction at all. Everything is very private, and the questions are not difficult. They rarely even deal with the past. Most of the questions help you to see your relationship in a positive light. For example, one question I had was: "Describe what you like best about yourself. Describe what you like best about your spouse." Not difficult to answer unless you have been blocking all positive thoughts about the spouse. In that case, taking the time to think positively is a breakthrough. And that is why there are so many breakthroughs at Retrouvaille. Because they show you how to think and discuss in a new way, a way that doesn't bog down in the negative.
Just checking in to say Hi and to see what's happening in your world. My brain's still twisted up but this forum is helping realize the things I need to do (detach, detach, detach!).
Love and strength to you,
ntl
Me: 30 H: 32 Dating 10/96 Married 8/01 H PA's: Summer 97, 12/06, 5/07-10/23/07 My Saga
thanks hon, it's a big blow to one to be in this sitch, and how you are feeling right now is almost like PTSD, so take it easy and forgive yourself if you mess up.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
good good, it's a new day and Iive to tell the tale. Thing moving forward, H still dealing with mountains of guilt and depression, but I think he is a bit more stable as the days go by, we have our C session and he actually remembered we had homework, so let's see, it should b interesting since H says he doesn't know how to feel nor act about repairing our M, the question was "what is a loving R?
but all in all it's going well, glad to see you hon, hope you are fighting the dragon of fear, take care luv))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
hey girls )))))))) had a good session, H did his homework right before C, run out of time. Mine was about trust, giving benefit of doubt, words of affirmation, etc. His, well, it was on the negative side, he mostly wrote what it is *not*, he wrote things that used to happen before he left (us not ML when I was mad, him saying sorry and me not thinking it was enough, etc etc). I wanted to pull my hair, these issues are years old, nothing current, I told C that indeed my H keeps living in the past and perhaps has not forgiven me for our M life. The C talked about living in the present and stop dwelling in the past if we r to go anywhere. To talk to each other and stop assuming, because whatever assumptions we make about each other in our heads will not be good. I learned a few other good things too, it was pretty constructive, and I know H is more receptive when he is not on the spot, this MC talks to both of us about a subject even if it relates mostly to one of us, so that helps.
Going again next week, H seems a bit more himself, have not had an argument since that mess, we are able to talk to each other well, we can disagree without ugly words, so that's an improvement.
Hugs to you both)))) thanks for checking on me
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
good good, it's a new day and Iive to tell the tale. Thing moving forward, H still dealing with mountains of guilt and depression, but I think he is a bit more stable as the days go by, we have our C session and he actually remembered we had homework, so let's see, it should b interesting since H says he doesn't know how to feel nor act about repairing our M, the question was "what is a loving R?