There's also something about "doing what works"....hmmm. My thoughts on this haven't coalesced but I lived a couple of examples of "doing what works"
And I bet you don't get why doing what works... actually works. LOL. I'm going to go back to my statement that women are inherently dishonest. I'm surprised none of my female counterparts slammed me on it, but maybe it's because they instinctively know what I mean.
First of all, I didn't make that statement as a slam against my gender. It's a theory of mine, and I have nothing scientific to back up the link I'm about to make... but.
Women are inherently dishonest because of our maternal instinct. It is genetically encoded into us. Every woman here knows what I'm talking about, too... for there is nothing, nothing that will supercede it... not honor, not God, not even self-preservation. (I mean, I would lie, steal, cheat, kill, or die... to protect my baby... and I'd do it without blinking an eye or without even one cogent thought in my head. I'd do it in spite of myself.) As a matter of fact, I see it as THE living form of God, and the closest thing God could come up with to give to men is their sense of honor.
Having this... maternal instinct is not to say it doesn't cause us problems in other areas of our life... just as a man's honor can become a conundrum for him. But we all scratch our head in perplexity over this maternal instinct thing... even we women don't really understand it... it's just there. And when it isn't there... when a woman actually allows something to come in between her and her instinct to protect her children at all costs, we as a race, are collectively stunned by it (Susan Smith). There is nothing, as a race, that we hold in lower regard... there is no lower rung on the totem pole.
Having said that... where I pick up on the disdain in BF's/Stig's and others tone is... it seems to me they expect women to be honorable. But we're not. We aren't built that way... we are, however, incredibly loyal, and that comes directly from our maternal instinct.
So Burg, doing 'what works,' I would imagine... works because whatever it is you are doing is clearly indicating to a woman that you are either cultivating her loyalty, or you are not. She picks up on it subconsciously. When a woman's sense of loyalty is strong, there isn't much anyone can do to penetrate it. If a man is smart, it does well to actively cultivate it all the time...
When a woman's sense of loyalty is shaken... she will, out of a need to survive, begin looking elsewhere.
When BF says that a woman needs to tend her own fences... to a woman that means that his loyalty to her is in question, and her own loyalty fades... she'll knock her own fence down. If a woman is loyal to her man... she doesn't even NEED a fence... she will have no desire whatsoever to wander anywhere... unless the safety of her child is in question.
A woman may stay with a man out of a sense of duty (especially if children are involved), but that may not mean she is feeling 'loyal' to her man.
A man's honor IS his sense of duty, and that includes taking care of and protecting what he considers 'his.' Building 'loyalty' in a woman is much the same as it is with any animal. But if a man looks to a woman and expects her to act and behave as a man, he's pretty much shooting himself in the foot. If we were built the same way, there would be no need for gender difference.
That doesn't mean that a woman loves her child any more than a man does. It just means that their love springs from different wells. (And really, I just can't think of a single thing that holds all of us in utter awe like a mother's love for her child. It even baffles the angels... LOL)
We don't really have to 'understand' that about one another, but we do have to honor it... and do 'what works.' If it isn't working... then we are not honoring one another... respect fades... loyalty fades... boom. And to me, it IS best to move on... at least in a dating scene. For marriage... I think this very thing (or lack thereof) is probably at the foundation of every troubled relationship... and all kinds of things spring forth from it.
