Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Still catchin up! I'll update later today - promise! Thanks for checking in (and especially for caring).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I know exactly what you mean.. that's where I'm stuck. I feel like pushing it closer to the level I want will push us further apart.. and yet, where we are? Not enough.
SD Thanks so much for your thoughts!
My reason.. you're right, I need to think it through more.
The thing is, the positives are - well - positive. But if I step back and look objectively, things are still VERY messed up in our R/M. I mean really.. so Christmas morning together was GREAT with the two of us, but his family won't even speak to me (and according to H, it's because of him)???
I've said it in email a few times, forget if I've said it here. It's like Sun-Thurs, we are a great couple. We talk a lot, are happy together, hugs and kisses, lately sometimes more. Then Friday comes and it's like "back to teenybopper land!" for H. All this weird hiding and half sneaking (i.e. making plans in a "whisper" voice but while standing right next to me.. duh, obvious I can hear it!!). I make my plans, I GAL, but frankly it pisses me off. If you want me, you want me on Friday and Saturday too.. if you don't, fine, but quit acting like my loving caring H the other days!
All that said I think I'm fairly detached. I don't go into a tailspin about it anymore. But I'm still extremely confused. I get sad on Thursday thinking "Well here comes another weekend" - no matter how many plans I have it frustrates and saddens me that the assumption is I'm NOT involved with his "weekend life".
You are right about the hesitation, I'm not clear.. and do need to think it through. THANKS for catching that and pointing it out.
ST haha yeah, the BFL program is intense!! It is second nature a few weeks into it, but the first few weeks are pretty complicated. I think I might ease into it a little more the more I think about it.
Steph Aww thanks!
As I mentioned it was kinda a mess! Not TOO bad, but definitely a lot of wind and rain. The rain I can handle, the wind is really unusual for us. We stayed indoors, warm (mostly) and dry, though - so all's well.
H Yes - candles and wine definitely helped!! (as did our neighbor with a generator, and H who was able to fix it.. )
f21 Thanks! Most of our neighbors gave up and went to hotels, understandable with little kids. We got VERY lucky and got power back late Sat. night instead of Monday or later, so that was a nice surprise.
Dave Thanks!! Yep, lots of cleanup, but no injuries so all's well.
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Alright so finally some journaling..
Friday, power went out, but I still had a bunch of meetings for work. It was quite entertaining hosting meetings with huge branches snapping and falling on the roof!! One of the branches was HUGE and I really jumped, then had to apologize to everyone and run around the house real quick to see if anything came through the roof. The yard didn't look that bad, but H got on the roof Sunday and some of those branches were HUGE. I think the biggest were 6" diameter and maybe 15-20' long. Once he cleared the roof the ENTIRE yard was covered. One branch flew all the way over the house and speared through our side gate and into the concrete a bit. YIKES!!! Anyway.. got through without panicking so that was good.
I even had the presence of mind to dig out candles and glass jars to burn them in, and put one in each room. Then picked up all potential tripping hazards throughout the house. Wind died down Friday afternoon and I swept off the driveway and walkways to make them safer too. "Old me" would've waited for H to do all that. He was pretty impressed I did it. And it was kinda fun having the house all candle-lit. We have gas heat but electric fan to run it - so it was getting pretty chilly in the house. Mostly I snuggled up with the dog in between meetings and tried to stay warm.
Fri. night H got home and it was like "adventure time!" It was kinda fun. We brainstormed ways to cook dinner, stay warm, etc. BBQ'd, had a big fire, snuggled on the couch. H has this inverter power setup on his truck, so he ran the truck as a "generator" and we even watched a movie on my laptop. Wine, candles, movie, fire.. it was really nice, actually.
Sat. AM it was SOOOO cold in the house!! We bundled up and I boiled some water to make coffee and tea... I know, silly little thing, but it was kinda fun. Every little thing we'd go to do we'd kinda roll our eyes at each other and go "Ohh yeah SOUNDS easy..." Oh and this is important later, the dog was whining non-stop.
H ended up selling one of his cars Sat. AM (a good thing), and I left to go find us dry ice for the freezer and propane for the BBQ. It turned out to be quite the adventure as everyone else did the same thing, so I did a lot of running around. In between I logged on here from Starbucks - I was the popular girl there!! Only person w/Internet access and everyone there had no power so they kept asking me to email people, look up power outages, etc. That's when I posted here, but didn't say a lot as I literally had a line of people behind me wanting to use my internet access .
While I was out he called and had found a broken generator and fixed it. He was SOO proud to be the one house on the street with heat, a running fridge, and TV (the things he hooked up). Oh.. and he hooked up my fish tank, too. I was upset in the morning because with no power and no filter the fish were looking REALLY bad. I did a water change and a manual aerator for awhile but it didn't help much. I thought it was very sweet he hooked up the filter. And the fish looked great!!
The dog kept staring at the thermostat, and stopped whining when the warm air started coming out of the vents. Goofball!
Sat night we went to the "Walking with Dinosaurs" show - originally planned to go with my friend, and then H and Mom also wanted to go, so we all went. It was very cool!!! When we got home, the power was back on. Poor H was so bummed. We ended up going out dancing after that (more on that later)... and when we got home, turned all the lights off, lit the fire and candles, and pretended the power was still out. That was kinda fun.
Ack.. gotta run as I have a "shadow" again... but will post more soon.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Whew that was a long post! Sorry about that. I get too wordy when I don't update for awhile.
Anyway.. wanted to journal one more thing that better explains my comment about him being my H part-time.
Basically it feels like things are normal and he wants to be my H on Sunday through Thursday, and weekends when it suits him, but not always. Often on Fri-Sat he's making these semi "hush hush" plans - but it's weird. He'll get a call and make kind of a production out of going into the other room and lowering his voice a bit. But he doesn't go far enough away that I can't hear him and he's still very obviously talking loud enough for me to hear him.
As an example... Sat. we already had tickets for the Dinosaur show, but knew it wouldn't go all that late. He gets a call from one of the "party friends," goes into the kitchen (right next to the room I was in), and starts talking in a just slightly lowered voice about getting on some VIP list for this club/party after the dinosaur thing.
My normal response has been try to ignore it or leave the room, but truly, it frustrates me a LOT. Why is it assumed I'm never invited anywhere if it's Fri or Sat?? And why be secretive (but not ACTUALLY secretive, just halfway?). Anyway.. I know, not worth dwelling on it, but it is just strange. So.. last Sat. I decided to try a little 180.
Rather than ignore it, I excitedly went into the kitchen going "OMG I have wanted to check out that place! What's the guy's #? I want to text him and get on the list!" He looked pretty taken aback, but then said (in a happy tone, not irritated) that he'd text my name to the guy along with his so we'd both be on the list.
We left for the dinosaur show shortly after that and he even invited my friend to go with us, and kept talking about being excited to go. My friend didn't go but H and I did - got all dressed up, it was fun! He finally introduced me to this whole group of friends - they're a bunch of young guys from work that he goes out with when in "teenybopper" mode (hey, at least they are guys). Most of them were surprised he was married. Ick. But, he introduced me as "my wife" (could have easily just said my name), and all night he was very attentive and kept commenting on how much fun it was. The club itself ended up being really bad, but we made the best of it - visited w/some friends, danced, enjoyed ourselves.
As I mentioned the power was back on when we got home but H was all bummed out about it since he'd done so much work earlier in the day - so we pretended it was still out and lit candles, made a fire, etc. We got to bed WAY too late.
Sunday was mostly yard cleanup.. we both kept wishing the power stayed out another day or two, weird huh? I need to figure out what it was about that - was it just the fact that everything was almost "forced" to be very different? Was it the "us against the elements" factor? I dunno... but I definitely think there's something positive to learn from that.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I think the lights out thing has to do with it being romantic. and you were both forced to be in it. I don't think either of you, if you wanted to, would be able to or feel comfortable trying to develop a romantic atmosphere on your own.
and your 180 was sooooo cool. maybe all this time H had been wishing you would want to go with him, but knew you'd never be into it and thus his weirdness. And BOY did you play that so well! That 180 worked great, and I bet he was so suprised, and sounds like he was happily surprised at that.
you know, our lights were only out for hours, and I, along with the kids were dissappointed it came on, but H- thought we were crazy. I still get jealous of ya Nikki.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
jak Yep, keeping it up, that's the key!! I realized I am GALing but got too "un-mysterious" lately.. so back to adding in a bit more mystery.
Michelle I know, at least there was an upside to all the wind blowing and stuff crashing on top of the house!!
ST Thanks! Agreed, I think the lights out / candles is kind of automatically romantic without pushing it. I also think H really likes solving a problem, figuring things out - and not only figuring them out (i.e. candles), but going over the top (finding a neighbor with a broken generator, and offering to repair it in trade for using it til we got power back, while also turning his truck into a temporary generator...). He definitely "gives" in acts of service and I see it SOO much in times like this. He was so proud that he was able to "spoil me" (his words) by us being able to watch a movie with the power out, keeping me warm with the fire (and later heater), and helping me save my fish tank.
Aw man.. gettin' all misty eyed.. I really love him, in case I hadn't mentioned that in awhile.
Sorry your lights came back on too fast! It IS kinda "fun" in a way. For awhile, anyway.
Yeah that 180 could've WAY backfired, but thanks! Was proud of how I pulled it off - and glad it worked out good! I figure it'll be good for me either way. Either he'll hide his "semi-sneaky" crap better - which means I don't have to hear it - or hoping for a more positive twist on it, it snapped him out of feeling "weird" about things and he may invite me more. We'll see.
Hey I'm so glad to see you checking in on blindsided!! I think you have a lot to offer her.
--------------------- Some quick journaling... crazy day.
Got an email from my Dad (still kinda shocked he told me this via EMAIL!)... my grandma is apparently declining and quickly. This is the grandma I hadn't seen in ages (11-12 years? maybe more?) - she shut out the whole family. The weekend after Thanksgiving, my dad and I went up and visited with her - it was really a huge deal that she even let us do that.
Apparently, we just found out, she stopped eating right after that. Also kept turning off the heat in her apartment. Basically trying to kill herself. I don't think it has anything to do with our visit - I forgot that the anniversary of my grandfather's death was a week or so after we visited. And then the holidays and such. They moved her out to my Aunt's house so she could watch her closer (she was in a senior independent living type place before). She's lost more weight.. apparently she's now down to around 70 lbs. Hospice accepted her as a patient today. Soo... not looking very good. It's very sad, although she's been unhappy for so long, I think it's sort of a blessing in disguise too.
I already had plans to meet up with some of my new friends I've met tonight after work, so I went, although I felt bad because I was kinda distracted. Still, it was nice to be out with people and we talked a lot about future plans, so that was good.
Depending on what happens with grandma... Saturday H goes to pick up his new race car (sold two other cars and is buying this one for the new class he wants to get into). I'm really excited for him as it's been a dream of his for a long time. And - he invited me to go with him to go pick it up!! It's about a 3 hour drive each way and he already had another friend going, so I was really surprised he invited me too.
Sat. night I have plans with a group of about 20 people to go to a dueling piano bar / show. I am SO excited for that. I used to go all the time but all the places here that had them have shut down. This bar apparently does it every few months though - so I am looking forward to it. (again.. all depending on grandma though).
I feel like I should go visit grandma but she really doesn't want people to see her like she is now. She's always been very "Southern Belle" about those things - dressed perfectly, hair styled perfectly, just always "done up" if anyone (even family) was around. She spent hours getting ready when we visited her after Thanksgiving. I know my dad and aunt will be there, but right now she would prefer that I think of her as I last saw her (or as I saw her when I was a kid). Kind of hard for me to understand but it's what she wants. I can be there in a few hours if she changes her mind.
So what a whirlwind eh? Halfway working on my GALing and mystery and having fun and halfway worrying about my grandma, trying to figure out what's right and what she wants.. been a crazy day mentally.
Kind of glad I am swamped with work tomorrow.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
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