Ww -- I can understand your reluctance to move between all of the different moods. I am having trouble with just one mood between my husband and I; more would be crazy.
Do you have any outside support - AlAnon or something like that, or even a trusted pastor or counselor? I haven't attended an Al-Anon meeting myself (although I think that is my next step), but from what I have heard, the community you find is incredibly supportive. It sounds to me like you could use some clarity about which direction to take next - and I applaude your choice to take it slowly. I tend to think - and much of what I've read on DB suggests this is so - that reconciling too quickly can back-fire with a vengence. Not taking your husband back right away doesn't seem to me to be abandoning your marriage; instead it seems wanting to make sure you have gotten yourself into a good place before stepping back into the challenges.
Let me know how things keep going. I am sending warm thoughts on a snowy day your way that you will find the insights and the support to do what you need.
