FLTC, there is actually a great deal of power in your interactions with W, believe it or not! You write "no matter I say, she's already made other plans for my opinions, ideas or actions with the kids" Hmm, so what you are saying is that you know full well what will happen in any interaction with your W. That means you know what doesn't work! Every couple has these amazing repetitive conversations and each one knows exactly what the other is going to say or do, "when I say this I know he'll say that" yet we keep doing it anyway. So, seeing as how what you've done in the past doesn't work,why not try something new, throw a wrench into the works and see what happens. I can think of an example in my own sitch to share, when W phoned and complained that we were bad parents because we missed a few school open houses (that we didn't know about!) I responded angrily and told her "don't you ever call me a bad parent" and it went from there and ended in her crying and hanging up. What would have happened had I said "you could be right, how do we fix this situation?" All the bad parent stuff is a norm in our interactions, according to W everybody else is a better parent, better with their money, better at their jobs etc yet I went for it anyway. So look at your interactions with W and see how you can change them up a bit. Once one party changes the rules, even slightly, the other has to respond in a different way because the old way doesn't work anymore. What if you said, for example "Wow, sounds like you have some pretty good ideas there..." or whatever else might be a different interaction and then see how it flies! It sure can't hurt cuz what you're doing sure ain't workin', is it?
