The Great Wall Part II

[Kettricken]

Ah, Lil .... it's just a bloody stupid rule, when the quotation is an isolated word or phrase as opposed to a complete sentence. I don't follow rules that make no sense to me. Charming child I must have been.

(hijack) im zo glahd you're Ankel, iz betterr.!

Karen..... no words of wisdom from here. When it comes to desire, you just can't get blood from a stone. If a vibrant sex life within your marriage is important to you (duh), you may have to choose to act as if for awhile, in terms of expressing passion for your husband. That will only go anywhere genuine if he starts playing along, eventually .....

Was his extreme reaction to your daughter's peccadillo typical? Or did it have more to do with the (gasp) potential display of sexuality by his daughter? I wonder.

One thing I will say helped us tremendously was humour. The more I could joke about an advance or even a rejection, be more saucy that outright seductive, the less threatened he seemed to feel by it all. The "problem" was somehow tamed. I think enough mutual humour can go a long way toward breaking up a gridlock all on its own. Do you joke well together??? How did you pose your "alumnae" comment -- as a joke, or with that bitter edge? I only ask because it (in my experience) only works if you say it *with* a smile on your face and in your voice ... if the "really deadly serious" shines through at all it's a non-starter, tension-diffusing-wise.

I know, to an extent, how difficult it is to keep things light. And I don't even know if it's wise in your circumstance. I don't think stoic has served you well, although I do think it feels safe -- respectable -- for you. But at some point, I think you need to throw some plates, literal or metaphorical. And believe me, that's not usually the sort of thing I advocate. But your H seems to be more-than-usually hard of hearing, and your continued silence and sportingness make it too easy for him to continue. Apparently. I know shame is counterproductive and may well cause him to cave up, but ultimately, the message needs to penetrate: "I am not happy. I am sexually frustrated to the nth degree, which at some point may well put me at risk for an affair, although that is not my intent. You are not fulfilling your role as husband, although you are a wonderful provider and father. It is not enough." If he finds that shaming, so be it, as long as you find it true. How long, with the best will in the world, can you even continue to be a pleasant companion, under the circs? Already you feel that slipping away ....

Try *something*.

(((((Karen)))))