Thanks Mahatma Bridget, you are right, these thoughts of peace are the only way to go. The truth is that even after all this time, I am still wounded and haven't been able to figure out how to heal--however, I'm a whole lot better than I was. A couple of years ago it felt like the PTSD symptoms would never go away. Now they are rare and hardly ever debilitating. There are situations and people I can completely enjoy. I feel happy and laugh more.
I understand your protective distancing and not "woo-hooing" it. As long as you are being courteous, that sounds like the best place to be (granted I've heard little of your situation--will read more later). It has helped me to think of my H as somewhere between a difficult co-worker with whom I needed to be "professional" and a dear friend or cherished family member who just doesn't get it about something really important. (Even more it has helped to realize that I just don't get it either sometimes but I'm doing the best I can figure and that's all a person can ask of themselves.)
Were I in your shoes, I know I'd want to keep my distance, lovingly but be pretty strict with those boundaries.
About sex for us, I'm for the first time in my life, not interested. It may be all the antidepressants I have on board, in part I think that I just couldn't be a beggar any more. It's going to take a lot of love to get me back in the mood I think. However I am happy to report that my H surprised me with a biggy. It's a long story, but for us to spend my birthday together is very important to me and without me saying a word (I think this is a key factor but complicated) he arranged to take off! This is MAJOR.
Thanks for the cyberflowers I've got some for you too. We have the most incredibly beautiful bright purply-pink azaleas in the yard of our new house. They are a mass of solid bloom. Here they come. Do you see them?
