It's true, you had worries about your H's fidelity, and now he's got his feelings hurt, or whatever, and yeah, it's a set-back in the "I trust you" recovery -- but heck, woman, you might have once had reason to worry.
The pangs of wondering will linger, once trust is broken. Takes time to mend and knit back together.
Things do heal. I know this. Forgiveness is important. It's the lovingest gift you can give! Then even big ugly old gashes can close up and, though tender for a while, toughen and soften (both) over time.
(Don't I sound like Gandhi?)
Ha! I'm certainly no saint! Today I'm basically back to being a wounded person, hurting and suspicious. Big set-back.
My H got his bachelor pad on April Foo1's Day (as I keep reminding everyone) -- and we're doing a dance around how to live with this. He's still being friendly, except when I initiate contact, then he hides and avoids me. I know he's struggling with how to distance from me and yet he still wants to relate to me, too.
More about my sitch on my post next door (don't want to hog your thread) but I did want to talk about how I relate to "not trusting him."
Last two days H initiated contact with me and though I should be happy about it, I'm suspicious of his motives. Yesterday, maybe he just needed to use the computer? (his DSL wasn't hooked up yet). Today maybe he came over just to get some clean clothes for a trip he's taking? Or maybe he misses me, our home, and is reaching out?
Today he kissed me and seemed wistful when I said I wouldn't be around to say goodbye before he left on his trip. If I was DB-ing, I'd mark that as a "sign" we were getting a little closer, and I'd be going "woo hoo!" But now, I'm kinda closed down.
It somehow helps me lick my wounds to not get my hopes up, I think, to keep a little distant. He recently started lying and sneaking around again, after months of love-recovery. I hate that he is on the fence about that other chick (she's pursuing again).
But I know I'm being petulant.
He thinks I should just bounce back and be warm toward him again. Even though he wants to not be monogamouse. I would love to get back to where we were just two weeks ago! I may be able to. But right now, I feel like a patsy, and I wonder if I'm getting used.
This poor-me attitude is really playing havoc with my getting back on the horse of DB-ing. I'm on the fence and seriously considering the big D -- to tell him "no more other grrrllls in our marriage."
Sigh.
Anyways, don't mean to ramble, just wanted to send a big bunch of virtual flowers your way for (YES) your forbearance and self-awareness.
Yes.
And a suggestion: lingerie!
Lacy, spaghetti-strappy, peekaboo hot outfits, with heels. Accentuate your assets. Ya gotta! Right now! Don't wait for "the perfect size" -- embrace the size you are and show off whatcha got!
It works -- if you get into the act and enjoy the part.
