Well, the sun sets on another day in the cradle of civilization. Thank goodness someone put downloadable music on our server. About 100 great smooth Jazz favorites. It’s already in my music folder, because it’s against regulations to put it on a government server, so it’ll be gone tomorrow, but too late! All I have to do is put my earphones on, and I’m off in another world, for yet another 16 hour day at the screen! Ha! Small victory against the “machine”
Got a note from my D17 from Utah today. She, of course was wildly out of control, and I took her out of public school and sent her there. She’s doing better, but ended her note with “I hope that you are happy”. She knows how this whole thing has devastated me, and I leaned too much on her during my total unraveling in March of 06, so I’m sure my behavior had a lot with her acting out as well. A while back, W. got angry at me in an email and stated “D17 still blames me for this whole thing”
D17 and I were always very close, until I came unraveled. Never went grille to grille like she and W., who she is just like. To the point of fist fights where I had to pull their hair out of each others hands! Ugh!
I go for days feeling OK, and then I’ll be reminded how sad I really am about this, and for a while, it just caves in on me. I just have to stay in the present, and realize there’s nothing I can do about any of this. I can write her, but that just usually aggravates her.
I don’t know about you guys, but just talking with her on the phone, makes my stomach tumbles, and builds anxiety so high, it’s ridiculous. I know no matter what I say, she’s already made other plans for my opinions, ideas or actions with the kids. It’s so frustrating. All I can do is let go and live in the present……Not telling you all anything you don’t know.
