well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

hey toots, wondering how you are holding up, wondering how our dear mamabear is doing, I know she posted then disappeared into the night.

As whole as I think I am, I dont' have the heart to post elsewhere but here with my battle buddies. I was part of a mom's group and a cop's praying wives group. I just dont' have the heart to post, read about other's normal lives, (most of them), their vents about extended family, little normal stuff. And here I am, with WWIII behind me, I just can't join them. I feel at ease here, with people who know what really goes on with me, I rather not unload anywhere else.

The C again told him last time how lucky he was, that other couples would've been D by now, that I truly went through a lot. I even got praise from Caesar (MIL, whom never really liked me and vice versa) telling H the same thing. Won't let it go to my head for, for I've realized that the times I have been more protected by God have been when I've recognized my weakness and hidden in Him, I swear BI, I literally felt a clear but thick covering on me shielding me from hurt, I specially felt it that night H asked for a D, I didn't even shed one tear.

H told the C that as he was breaking it off with me that night he started having feelings for me, he realized at some degree what he was going to loose. I'm actually surprised I didnt' sob nor carried on, I mostly kept my cool (ok, I was trembling from head to toe) but I never raised my voice nor went bananas.
He'd asked if we could still be friends, I told him no, that I had to erase him from my life and that I'd cut all contact with him, not out of anger but out of sadness for loosing him. He was the one who ended up crying as we talked.

The gremlings are trying to bring up old stuff and make me do timelines, I shouldn't give a hoot, I must drive them away, those useless details only separate me from him and I have gone too far to let that crap get to me. He had his second IC yesterday, told me he did most of the talking. Going to our 3rd MC this friday.

I have been trying to talk him into going to Retrouville, because of his job he needs to ask off way in advance, that's his excuse, he doesn't want to be put on the spot and talk, I think that's why he doesnt' want to go. I will ask a 3rd time for info on their website (they did send me something 1yr ago, maybe that's why they don't now. Really wish we could go, if we miss this month the next is in 4mts.

Anyways, and life goes on...