I hear you there. Over the Christmas season I had this dream/wish about W having an Ebenezer Scrooge or even a Saul on the road to Damascus experience. This lead me to consider in my mind what W would say when ask "Why persecutest thou your H"? Of course the scene where Scrooge is pleading with the spirits if the visions he was being shown were certain, or could be changed, played out in my mind. Of course seeing real remorse and effort out of my W touched my heart and helped me to understand some of the pain she is going through. This could be a fault of mine, but I try to understand things from others perspective.
Anyhow, I go over that in my mind a fair amount some days. However, like you say, I do live my life like this M is going to go on. Am I prepared of the big D? No, but I don't think you really could be. Will I survive? Yes. Perhaps W is looking at my, "not going to dwell on it attitude", and has decided that perhaps she better be real sure before she "pulls the trigger". Let's see how this plays out.
