Well my last post probably knocked ya'lls respect for me down several pegs. One bit of clarification, I certainly don't blame my H's lack of attention for my weight gain. I am the one who puts the food in my mouth just like he is the one that had the affair. I have a very poor way of coping --it is my issue. The antidepressants also affect my brain by sending a constant "you must have food, eat, eat" message but sometimes the rest of my emotions are better. My doctor tells me that because this is my third episode of severe depression, I may have to stay on the meds for the rest of my life. There are way worse things!!!
I am exercising a lot, making new good friends, looking into a job, doing volunteer work, and comforting a relatively new friend who recently lost her husband. We agreed to host a party for a large group from my H's work. He made all kinds of promises about how he would help that have gone the way of a child who gets a pet and promises to care for it. He meant it at the time I'm sure but somehow it just hasn't happened. This is my H's MO. The party is nothing but unfortunately this is how he handles big issues also. I've gone on involuntary strike about getting ready for the party--I just can't bring myself to do it. It will simply reflect badly on me, I'm affraid, if the party is disorganized so I better get in gear. We also agreed to have an even bigger party for his work later this year. I wish we hadn't!!! However because we did I will do it but I've got to accept that in these small and in the big really important promises like his adopting my daughter, renewing our wedding vows, etc, he does not follow through. I can't count on him and probably never will be able to. We have a friendship of sorts but not a marriage at present. Just gotta accept that, live my life, love him, be patient, find other ways to be happy, be grateful for all we do have, set some limits--now there is where I'm having the most trouble--calmly, lovingly, setting limits with myself and with him. Gotta work on that. I'm hurting pretty badly though and will be grateful for your support. Thanks for reading this and sending me good wishes.
