One More Night

[Ohio_Mark]

Mark, I really hope you are successful in getting your W to willfully agree to C. I know how difficult it is to get the WAS to even consider that they could benefit from such help.

Thanks, NCB. She has mentioned in the past that we will need counseling to learn how to manage the kids better as a non-married couple. Mind you, this was probably 7 months ago (she's been audibly banging the "we're getting a divorce" drum since May). I think I can get her to agree... provided it's not marriage counseling.

You mention your S's -- what about your DD? I know she's young, but has there been any thought to something tailored for her age level?

The therapist I spoke to last night said she is too young for therapy.

Also, if you need this for your S's, then can you say what may be going on with them that prompts you to seek C with them?

Well, what prompted me was a suggestion from the in-laws: seek counseling together. There is no downside to doing so, and it may end up fixing the marriage.

Communication is really tough. I know that's been our Achilles heal. Lately, W and I have been so far apart in how we perceive things, and W refuses to consider any other view other than her own. She's got her mind set, her blinkers on, and "damn the torpedoes", full steam ahead for the big D. Talking with her is an absolute strain. She feels that if I don't sit quietly and let her spew her problems and blame on me, or if I dare say anything that does not give fuel to her mad dash to D, then we're not "communicating" -- which is then my fault somehow. I would love to try again to get W back into C for working on our degraded communication skills, even (as you put it) if it still means we D.

Yep, we are living the same life. We also need help with communication. Should have sought it a long time ago. But as most of us know, a problem that is just in front of us often appears smaller than it really is.

I also think you must count your blessings that your IL's are not overtly hostile to you, and are at least willing to stay neutral to some degree.

They are on the side of the marriage. I am of the opinion that, in the absence of a genuine effort to repair the marriage, they will not overtly assist her in getting a divorce. Having said that, they will not let her live on the street. They will help if called upon in an urgent situation. But they are not on the same page as my wife. SMIL is a "solution-oriented" person. Also a devout Catholic, who believes that divorce is something that should be taken on only when all other options have been exhausted. And they have not in our case.