PS, Go ahead and hold your H accountable for his counseling visits if you like, but only if it's helpful. If it ends up being a power struggle, and he truly isn't ready to participate than I would back off and put your energy elsewhere. Choose your battles wisely.
Your say that your H is quiet and reseved. Does he participate in the R when he needs to, or is he generally too distant? I'm wondering if partly your anxiety is the mystery he creates in the R, due to his lack of presence and communication.
My dance teacher says that if a man lacks the presence and leadership of leading a dance, the woman will be inclined to fill the void. I think there are parallels between the dynamics of a dance R and marriage. I've learned that my presence, via listening and problem-solving has a calming and focusing effect for my W.
I wonder if you asked for him to increase his presence via listening, communicating, and problem-solving in general if it would help to alleviate some of your anxiety, and allow you to give him more space? He would be wise to consider this.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
