well, i tried something different, don't know why it worked.
so, last night i just got ready for bed like normal. i didn't put anything overtly sexual but sexy anyway. and i just laid there watching tv with H and expecting nothing. but i did have my best asset facing him. still, not expecting or really hoping either. as i read my book later, he began to touch me, not in a 'let's hurry up and get this over with' way. i said it felt good but still didn't expect it to turn into anything. i would have been fine, really. but then it did happen and it was great. i wasn't planning on it, he wasn't planning on it. and at the end, even he was like OMG.
still seeking a counselor though. still asking him to see a dr and/or counselor too. not holding my breath for a long time. i've heard all that 'i'll try to be better/i'll work on us' stuff too. so, i am waiting to see how that pudding is.
he does listen when i talk, i have to give him credit for that. and every time that i have said that i was hurt by what he did or said, he quit doing that thing or quit saying that thing. he did that with all the things i mentioned at the beginning of this thread. he dropped it totally and apologized. the things were VERY hurtful and mean and he still left it up to me to get over it (which is mean too). he just doesn't listen so well when i say i want something. except every once in a while.
