Mark, I really hope you are successful in getting your W to willfully agree to C. I know how difficult it is to get the WAS to even consider that they could benefit from such help.
You mention your S's -- what about your DD? I know she's young, but has there been any thought to something tailored for her age level?
Also, if you need this for your S's, then can you say what may be going on with them that prompts you to seek C with them? (If you've covered this already, please forgive me and tell me to go research your threads.)
Communication is really tough. I know that's been our Achilles heal. Lately, W and I have been so far apart in how we perceive things, and W refuses to consider any other view other than her own. She's got her mind set, her blinkers on, and "damn the torpedoes", full steam ahead for the big D. Talking with her is an absolute strain. She feels that if I don't sit quietly and let her spew her problems and blame on me, or if I dare say anything that does not give fuel to her mad dash to D, then we're not "communicating" -- which is then my fault somehow. I would love to try again to get W back into C for working on our degraded communication skills, even (as you put it) if it still means we D.
I also think you must count your blessings that your IL's are not overtly hostile to you, and are at least willing to stay neutral to some degree.
We can all stand to improve our communication skills, but I think you're doing well.
