I'm an old timer and just visit from time to time to report good and sometimes not so good news. Unfortunately, we are having some of our same old problems again and a new stressor. The old problem is that H distance is very painful, the new stressor is that I'm headed to gyn because of what could be a std. H vows with all he's got that he has been faithful. He is very convincing. Hope I'm not being an idiot.
Any discussion of the above results in more distance and H becoming defensive, angry and depressed. He feels like he is being attacked. It is difficult for me to fathom how he feels because if I were in his place, I think I would put a lot of energy into being supportive. I have tried to use I messages to talk about the elephant in the living room of our lives but it feels like he really wants me to ignore it like he looks to me like he does. It is true that we can have happy times even with the darned elephant and relate to each other like a brother and sister as long as I don't bring up that things could be better.
Guess it's time to work harder on me, stop the OR talks again and wait it out. Just could use some support in doing that. Mostly I am weary but find it hard to focus on anything else. H is busying himself about the house as I write--that is very rare--so at least something good came out of this. ;-)
2L
P.S. Last post was called encouragement! It is helpful to remember that things have been better. Encouragement
