so, in her eye's, you can't show any cracks in the armour, just keep being the money machine, validate her every thought and action, compliment her from sun up to sundown.
sounds like an equal partnership.
You're being too harsh on her. I've been down and out in a similar way as AmyC's husband. Which is why I relate to him. But he has AmyC and I have the damaged little girl who, while she has grown some from the last event, is still not a person who could 'cover my back'. She just isn't. Some people are like that.
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the simple fact is, you need time and space to heal and recharge. time without additional drama and unneccessary stresses. I'm trying to do this now, I don't have the answer yet, but it took 25 years for me to get here, probably will take some time to get out. But I do know that if someone is going to come along for the ride, they should be supportive, and non judgmental.
I agree. It's the definition of 'supportive' that is the problem here. In her vision she has been supportive the way most women are - they stand back and let their men 'work it out' and take whatever happens for as long as they can until they see no more 'hope' for change and get tired of the negativity and drama. I am REALLY having a hard time with this one. What woman, after seeing a man stand for HER for so long, simply says "Ummmm...yeah, good luck with that" when she sees her man struggling and needing HER support? Where the f*ck (sorry) is SHE? Suddenly she can't cope and all of a sudden needs to find her (I'm about to start cussing a blue streak here) "spiritual partner"? Bullsh*t! That is a *&^@#^* COPOUT.
Ok, so I am clearly still not ready to post to you Frank. I'm sorry. Right now I just want to rip your wife's hair out.
I will try again later...
I have NOT been easy to live with for the past year. I can't blame her for that. The only thing that angers me is that she KNOWS what I went through, I was very CLEAR that I was burned out, thrashed, whatever and that all the old issues we not resolved because I used all the energy I had just to heal HER. Perhaps it is because I only read of your struggles today Frank but let me just say this: it's a good thing your wife is clear across the country. If she was local, I'd kick her ass. I'm sorry but I would. Then maybe you, her, me and Jeff could all sit around and talk about our feelings
I'll come back later today...
She knows this. She feels that we shouldn't be 'rescuers' any more but should be able to deal with our selves. I guess I might say that she thinks that 'she' has brown and gotten to a more stable state now and doesn't understand what is taking me so long to do the same thing.
I'm a complex person. On the one hand I can 'see' other peoples hurt and needs, and can see the solution. On the other hand I have my own hurt and needs and get stuck in the problem.
I thin what really bothers me is that in some way I feel like I have been testing her, to see if she can really come to the plate and be there for me, so whatever it takes to carry some of the load, to carry me a little. And she hasn't. Instead, she's let it get to the place where sh has to 'shock' me so that I have no choice. The thing is, I have been saying to her over the past 2-3 months that I am just sick and tired of feeling this way and that I am trying to figure out how to get out of this. That I can't do this any more.
So, I'm kind of where I was 2 years ago except that she isn't in an affair, isn't totally crazy and is still being distant, but loosely connected. I think she's just afraid.
So, I really think that to the extent that I can fix what's inside ME without having any need for the outcome between she and I to be anything in particular, then I'll be ok. If I try to DB or whatever to 'fix' our relationship then I'm stealing energy from me that I desperately need. and at some point when I'm strong again - for good - I'm going to have to address this with her.
