The End or just the Beginning? Part 2

[fb2]

Atlas, Hope things went well. With OM lurking around expect the yo-yo effect. Each time OM gives W an emotional boost you're a demon. At least you have some respite from the legal battle or do you? Its strange your W is a C - as far as I know many people with serious unresolved personal/childhood problems become C's and there are so many of them - my W is a social worker - her dad was alcoholic. Stay cool and collected.

[dh4320]

Sorry Atlas,

i just logged on, hopefully things are going fine, you like to spend time with her so i hope you are enjoying the time together fill me in later, i will check tomorrow.... peace

DH

[Atlas]

Well what can I say but honesty is the best policy and so much for my 30 days no action. I'm still on my 30 day assessment for me, but no longer this M. It is over.

All I asked is why she seemed surprised to hear that I wanted to spend time with her. The R talk came from there. Well she is effing another guy, so I've had it. I was very calm, she asked me to hold off on the D, and let her think. I said no, and that I was done. I'm moving on.

No crying or upset on my part, she was in tears here and there. She tried to take a jab at the end with some hurtful words, and I stopped her and said you no longer have the right to hurt me. You made your bed and now you have to lay in it, I won't lie to our S when he is older, and I hope you find what your looking for.

AND I WALKED!!! I'm pretty proud of myself actually. I'm going to get the settlement wrapped up and I'm not even going to deliver it to her. She can get it in the mail.

New life, with new friends and people who respect each other, here I come.

[Sara]

At the end of the day the question is: Can you live with yourself? And I think you can live with yourself with the way you handled it. It is important to keep your dignity.

[Lanzo]

Hey Atlas,

I don't normally read your sitch (not sure why I read through this morning) but I'm so sorry it's come to the point where you have decided to give up on your M.

You are no longer a given fixture for your W so she either stays in the bed she's made with OM or she gets up and works to come back to you. I'm sure the reality of the whole situation will give her the real wake up call she needs.

she asked me to hold off on the D, and let her think. I said no, and that I was done. I'm moving on.

Stick to your resolve stick to your principles, I'm sure it will all work out for the best, for you.

[SameButDifferent]

Hi Atlas,

Mixed feelings for you. Sorry you had to discover what you did as fact, but glad for you making the decisions you have and the work you've done for yourself.

Keep it up!

[john210]

Atlas,
Very sorry to hear about OM. I would be curious to know the % of WASs who have something going on the side. I think it was Tostada who said, you don't leave a relationship (for no apparent reason) if you do not have somebody (or somebody waiting). In a strange way, I wish I knew for sure what my WAW was up to. It would make my decision much easier. I would probably feel lousy for a long time but the decision itself for me would be cut and dried, like yours seems to be. I know there are people who would try to go on in spite of OM, I am not one of them. There is no way the trust would come back.
I commend you for standing up for yourself. The world is full of good people and you deserve to be with them.
Keep your chin up.

[Atlas]

Haha,

Figures I wrote this great post, hit submit and it goes belly up on me.

John you know you say it is cut and dry, and I think for some it is. I know it was for me it seemed until I faced it that W was having an A. Well this is the 2nd one in this seperation and this time it is cut and dry, and it isn't the A. This is why I'm leaving my W.

After more than 6 months, I have grown a lot. I have quit drinking, I have read a lot of R books, I have been to C'ing and will probably to some more. I have gotten the job of my dreams, I'm a homeowner. I'm building up my own practice. I'm making new friends and meeting some incrediable women. I had my thyroid fixed, totally changine my mood swings. Now if I could just tackle nicotine, chantrix I guess. But as I keep peeling back the layers, I have found that there is a man under there, no longer a scared little boy with little to offer.

My W is a clubber, she lives pay check to pay check, looking for the next party. Sexual promiscuity is a top priority for her. She doesn't take care of her body, soul or mind. I'm rather sure she is smoking pot again.

But what it comes down to, is well, not to sound trivial, but college is over. Some time around 30, noticed I used sometime, it is diffrent for us all, you have to grow up and decide what you want.

I have chosen RESPONSIBILITY. Why, because great power comes with it, but also great reward. I get to choose what I want to do, participate in what I want and have control over my self worth. I can actually acquire things, a home, I can plan for the future. I know that each day will be better then the next.

So I have quit drinking, I have read a ton of R books, I have got a home, I found my dream job, I am building my practice. I fixed my health problems, I'm making new friends and meeting incrediable women. I have control over my tomorrow.

W is a clubber, she wants to live pay check to pay check. She likes the night life, premiscous sex, being broke and feeling bad for herself. She would rather play the role of a victim in this world and have self-pity.

I'm saying which way is better, maybe we all should party, but I'm choosing the way I want it it be, and if W doesn't fit within that, then she doesn't fit. Is there some ill will? Sure, who wouldn't have it, but that will subside in time and hopefully we are great co-parents. But I'll no longer be a part of her self-destructive patterns.

Thanks for the support, I'll still be posting. Not going anywhere yet.

[dh4320]

Atlas,

Sorry to hear about your sitch. Good job on the taking your stance, i feel i have done the same with my detachment and going dark, the difference is that i did right from the beginning stick to your guns and i will keep my eye on your thread. Hey if you ever want to get away come to TX we could have a blast and laugh at our W's together. Im getting a live in nanny so bring your S she can watch him too while we hit up Dallas its amazing what carrying a badge gets you its better than being a celebrity sometimes...

[fb2]

Atlas, Sorry to hear this; I feel for you. Separation is hard enough, A's are harder, D is even harder, C is tough, kids pay the price. Hope you get primary custody of S2.5 and W fends for herself. If only people were committed and responsible and if the legal and social norms held them to it or were at least less permissive there'd be much less of this nonsense!