The end of this month will mark 18 months of S. H has finally taken his first baby steps recently by being nicer and by contacting me for no apparent reason. I have no expectations of H coming home. As for hope, seems that each time I give up, someone or something interferes to give my hope a jolt. Seems that it's true what's said about letting go - that's really when the WAS takes notice.
Last weekend, I lost my cool (slightly) when H wanted to drop S5 off early Sunday morning. I couldn't take him because of a commitment at work. H wouldn't let him stay with him, but never gave a reason - obviously he had plans with ogre. He arranged for S5 to go to SIL's to play with cousins. I overreacted to a perfectly acceptable solution and made a fuss over it, knowing S5 would be fine there, but also knowing he would be upset by H not wanting to spend time with him (which he clearly was when I picked him up).
That night, I had to ask H for money to help pay some bills. Maybe the first time I've asked him since S. I sent him an email asking for the money and explaining what it was for. I apologized for overreacting and explained that it's my instinct to protect the boys. Then I gave H an update about them - a first for me. I finished off by wishing him well for the new year.
The next morning, I got a reply right away. It said no problem about the money - that he'd take care of it right away (which he did, and in excess). He commented on my updates about boys - with yet another smiley face. He filled me in on how well business is going and asked for S5's schedule.
5 minutes later, he called me.
He repeated what he said in the email about the money. Then we talked about work - mostly mine. He asked a lot of questions and I answered exactly how I would have when we were still together. We talked for about 10 minutes (compared to our usual talks which last less than a minute and are only kid-related). It was very strange to be talking to him again like no time has passed, yet to be filling him in on my life.
I finally emailed him back with S5's schedule, filled him in some more on the boys and praised him for his hard work/success. I'm not expecting a response.
Saw our doctor today (who I haven't seen since before we S). He's aware of our sitch (H brought ogre to see him ) and was very concerned about how I was doing. According to him, H's R with her won't last. He even offered to do whatever he can do to steer H back home (H goes to him when he has problems, respects him and likes talking to him). I had to add that he should really make sure H gets a blood test done for STDs. He knew exactly what I was talking about but said that H is perfectly healthy (physically).
So that's where I am, 18 months later. I'm going to keep pushing through the next 6 months, keep working on myself, and hopefully have the patience and compassion for H to keep standing.
) and was very concerned about how I was doing. According to him, H's R with her won't last. He even offered to do whatever he can do to steer H back home (H goes to him when he has problems, respects him and likes talking to him). I had to add that he should really make sure H gets a blood test done for STDs. He knew exactly what I was talking about but said that H is perfectly healthy (physically).
