"Karen is just having NONE of it" - so true it is laughable (in a pathetic way).
So - as I am coming home from work H calls me screaming about an offense by DD10 committed and saying that I better talk to her before he does. In essence - she invited her "boyfriend" (show pony so her her friends can see that she is a grown up) to our house when no adult was home and DS16 was asleep in another part of the house. He walked in and discovered this. In his head he had her pregnant, with herpes and a bad reputation in the next 10 minutes. Honestly, this was a serious transgression and I was prepared to show her how serious but she is just skating the edges of the rules that we had laid down to see if we were serious. She only wants to a boyfriend to show all her friends. Well he was wildly PISSED and out of control. Finally he calmed down. I talked to her alone and we talked to her together and I think he got that she was just experimenting with independence not so much sex (although I know that sex in a non-specific way had a lot to do with it, she is starting puberty). Then he was generally sh*tty to me while we were fixing dinner before the game. Finally, I took him aside and asked exactly why was he being so crappy to me, had I done something specific? The answer was the usual - No, too tired, too stressed, whatever...;...
Then OSU (H's team) lost................ So, I decided to go to bed and leave H to chat with his friend who was here (his friend's fiance died of cancer a few weeks ago so I figured they could use some guy time). I told H I was going to bed and he said, " but we were just gonna watch some Star Trek or something." I said, "Have fun, I'll see you when you come up unless I run off with some LSU alumnae." He said something like he wouldn't blame me if I did.
So.....I have been having NONE of any of it but I have decided that I have to wade in more before anything get done and it is time that things lighten up around here and I don't think the sex part will get anywhere with the dark, heavy veil of H's holiday depression, too much work, no joking around and very little non-sexual touch. H usually lightens up somewhere around February. I can't wait for that because now it has become to laden with meaning for me - 1 year is unacceptable.
Lil,
I knew what you were trying to prompt. I guess the thing is that when I write it out there is a part of me that wants to say exactly that. I could even say it in a really short form,
"H you are wasting my time. I am hot, ready and willing to make our M great. You shelve me and pretty soon the "hot and ready" will be "unwilling and unavailable". The fact that you will do that makes me think you are a p*ss poor excuse for a man. "
My very lack of passion scares the crap out of me. I am more afraid of that than my anger. My anger that looks to this forum like a hissy is so difficult for me that having a hissy probably represents better mental health than my usual stoic approach (Me? No, I'm not angry just disappointed. I'll get over it. It will be ok. I can handle anything.). So, I don't know where I am going from here because what this whole thread has pointed out to me is that blasting away from the position I am in would be unfair and not even remotely useful. I have to put away my desire to throw away the kingdom in favor of becoming a mommified version of Bhudda or Mother Teresa and instead take back the keys to the kingdom.
