New to Piecing -- again

[peaceful_spirit]

Thanks, CL. I am definately suffering from some sort of PTSD. in this case, I'm not sure if it's anniversary-related or waht. I tend to think not.

I am doing too much of reading H's reactions. He is a relatively quiet and reserved guy (unless he's watching sports). So, it's hard for me to tell when he's going to that dark place again or if he's just being normal H.

THe kids stayed at my parents' house last night. H and I just hung out on the couch. At 10, I went to bed. This morning, in bed, I asked H if he ever called his C back. He goes to a C every few weeks. But he sees his C as a nice-to-have, not a must-have. Anyway, he had to cancel a few weeks ago. I noticed when he cancelled, he said on the VM to her, "i'll call you back to reschedule". I knew at that point that he'd never get off his @ss and make that call. Anyway, I had asked him if it would be okay for me to see his C to check in with her. He said that would be fine. So, I called her last week to schedule my appt. Then I started down the path of scheduling his. He couldn't make the time she had suggested, so when I called her back to tell her that, I told her to call H back directly to schedule the appt. I was trying to back off of the mothering role.

Well, she called him back the next day and left a message suggesting a time that he couldn't make. H couldn't make that one either (it was for tonight when he's out of town). and OF COURSE, he never called her back. I asked a few times. He kept saying, "I will". I asked him again this morning. He said he didn't call her back. I asked why and he gave me some circular response about how he didn't have an appt scheduled. I said, "I know, you need to schedule one". Finally I said, "Okay, I'll just do it. I just don't want to be your mother. What days are good for you?" HE said, "Next Tuesday or Thursday". So, here I am again, scheduling his appt for him.

So, my concern here is that H doesn't see his C sessions as that important. His C and I both see them as critical. He told me a few weeks ago that before he goes, he usually doesn't feel like it. But after he goes, he usually is glad he did. But he also doesn't think she is helping him. I don't think he thinks he needs to be helped.

Anhyway, all things for me to talk to his C about tomorrow.

Anyway, H is going away tonight with work. I am so looking forward to him being gone tonight. We hugged and kissed goodbye, but I realized after he left that he hadn't said ILY. So, that had me going for a few minues.

Then i decided to focus on me today and tomorrow. Today is my day off from work and I have a busy day with the kids (and I'm also getting my hair done). I'll be running all day. Tonight, I'm goign to make myself a dirty martini and maybe start reading my new book.