All very good advice thank you. I too though have done the ragin and preaching to him as he calls it. Questioning his loyalty to her and why he is protective of her as to not even give me her name, etc... I ordered Michele's books and they should be here any day. Yes, I would love to save my marriage but also have to realize that my actions since his decision to walk out could very well have cemented in his mind his desire to be rid of me. While I want to give him what he wants which is the freedom from me by granting a divorce I also feel somewhere deep inside that he will start to se the light because until this happened he was not this person at all. He always did for us and our best interests, worshipped myself and our kids, was kind, sweet, loving, even emotional about us. Now he has turned into this selfish cowardly alien human. Our S8 told me lastnight that he wants to hurt daddy for hurting me like this because he doesn't like to see me sad. These are the types of things I am dealing with right now with S8. D5 just spends nights crying and they are booth sleeping with me everynight now and talking with the counselor at school almost daily. Hell, they are both obsessing over our move which I promised them we wouldn't do until the end of this school year. Their father has put them through enough hell right now that I need to do whatever I can to reassure them that WE will survive as a family unit of 3 no longer 4 and that I will never hurt them, that I am their security and here for them regardless. When I see them hurt and hear they are distracted in school and see the anger in S8 and the tears from D5 I begin to feel hatred towards H. This anger is so consuming me right now. I got an appointment with a counselr that came highly rec. for this Thurs. and I will be addressing with her my anger issues and developing ways to control them and let go. Will keep you posted.
Last edited by mymonkeybug; 01/08/0812:42 PM.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
