I quite honestly don't remember what i did on friday evening. I think that was the night i almost went fishing late 9:30 10:00 cause w wasnt being nice. Oh yeh, did bills, thats why the tension.
saturday cleaned house, put away decorations, clothes, etc. w went to fargo w/d12 to spend gift cards. when w returned she commented u've been busy. w had a party at sil house that night, has to do with sil's work. bil brought kids to our house rented a movie for kids and we talked. bil was better than he used to be about talking about our problems. made plans to go pheasant hunting next day, early.
sunday before i left for hunting i took a glass of ice water and a pack of crackers and left it beside wife(thought she might be hung over). she woke and i told her i was going hunting. while hunting i stressed about calling her for about 2 hours. Thinking: why should i call her she doesnt care? I want to know what the kids are up to (it was perfect snowman weather). I called her finally and asked those things and told her about when i would be home. When i got home w was on the phone and supper was ready (tacos). she went upstairs, i wasn't sure if we should start w/o her(should have). Later watched desperate house wives, i offered her a margarita she declined, i made two just in case then i drank both.
She asked me why im so happy. I said i wasn't. w: welcome to our life! me: huh? w: nothing is going to change with you here, its going to continue like it is. OM wont move here (or she said come here).
Some where in our conversation i told her i have needs right now, like communication (dont want to stress about calling her). I explained we cant afford to rent an appartment not to mention it has to be big enough for all the kids cause im not a once a week father. If u really want to seperate i think we need to sell the house and camper and get two seperate appartments. She doesnt want the kids to have to give up anything and asked what i wanted. I replied: for you to go to councelling with me on thursday. I dont rember if she said anything afrer that and went upstairs. She texted me a little later "I am trapped like an animal. There is no hope. F@!k being happy. You win." I emediatly went up and asked what she ment. w: i need to get on some meds so i can act happy around kids. This is what u want a warm body. me: this is not what i want, i want u to want me, i dont want to live together unhappy lets fix this and eased in the councelling session thursday.
monday got a text at work in morning, "I can talk to you as a friend but nothing else." i didnt reply i recieved it much later. I went home for dinner to put the trash on curb for garbage day and grab a quick bite to eat. w was eating already and on phone with om, she grabbed her food and went upstairs. I have to wonder if om gave her permission to talk to me as a friend. I wonder if she is going to councelling w/me.
It got a bit long, I really wanted it off my chest.
in councelling i was going to bring up db and dr and this sight, Is this wrong?
I have to quit now too tired. maybe i can sleep tonight.
Happy DB'ING
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
