To Lovely Olive Tonight....

[Yoyowife]

We went to their wedding 4 years ago. I didn't know the real story at the time. Makes my blood boil now...

LO,
Do you think it would have made your blood boil if you had known back then? Or do you think you would have thought that is scandalous and then not given it another thought?

I had an uncle, my mother's youngest brother, who cheated on his beautiful sweet wife and three beautiful daughters when I was in my early twenties. They were in their early thirties. Sad thing is my uncle's OW was younger than me! She was only 5 years older than his 15 year old daugher. Looking back I thought it was awful that he did that to his family, but didn't really dwell on it. I hate to say it, but now that I've experienced, it is a whole new picture to me. I remember his wife telling me that divorce was like a death. Wow, I now see how profound and true that it...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that someone who hasn't experienced adultery doesn't feel the enormous impact. Everyone always thinks "that's so horrible", and then go on with their daily lives without really giving it much thought...

[LL44]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that someone who hasn't experienced adultery doesn't feel the enormous impact. Everyone always thinks "that's so horrible", and then go on with their daily lives without really giving it much thought...

I totally agree. I hate to admit I wouldn't have had any clue how devastating this is without going through it...

[mcojh]

Personally, I could have gone through life without knowing how devastating.....

[LL44]

I sooo agree. But I believe its made me a more empathetic person. Something positive from all the yucky negatives...

[Ohio_Mark]

I agree completely. It changes a person. No doubt about that.

[NoCodeBlues]

I guess it helped pull me out of a depressive nosedive. But then I think it was more like God stepping in and using this tragic situation to get me to see the right path.

[Yoyowife]

LO,
Sorry to hijack your thread again, but you have made me think about reactions to adultery. I see it has been thought provoking to others on here as well.

Another misconception I had was if a spouse cheated, then the wounded party should be upset more with the spouse than the OP because the spouse had the commitment to the the LBS. I also thought the LBS would be crazy to stay with the WAS.

Wow, how my views changed! I realize that both parties shared an equal part in the affair, but I still want to hate the OW because of the love that I shared with my H. Of course I didn't kick him to the curb either or I wouldn't be DBing. I'm sure though, that several of my friends that have never experienced infidelity, are wondering why I am fighting for a marriage in which I was so wounded. They just don't see the big picture of love, marriage, and family like we do. Yes, they are very family oriented people, but like I said before, they haven't experienced infidelity, thank goodness... At the end of the day they all get to go home to their intact families.

I have come to the realization though that I'm going to be okay however this ends up...That is an important lesson to take away from DBing. Remember GAL!

[LL44]

I also thought the LBS would be crazy to stay with the WAS.

I was the FIRST to say "I would soooo leave him if he did that to me". You can tell the people that have been affected by this, and those who haven't. The ones that haven't say "I canNOT believe you haven't packed his bags". The ones that have dealt with some type of infidelity say "Family is so important. Don't make any quick decisions. You need to do what you feel is right."

[theoden]

I'll chime in too,

I think my wife's affair has made me think differently about the world.

I understand the pain much more now.

---Theoden

[Heartbroken]

Here is my .02,

I too was the one who always stated I would never put up with it - but then I hung on for 16 mos....

About hating the OW more - I was very understanding on how it occurred I blamed both her and H and my friends could not understand how I could not confront her or kick her A$$ - but then I took the high road at all times...

But now I do place more blame on her - she kept trying to restart things once he told her he was done. Even once he moved back home in July she called and started the communication again - so much for her letting him go. This was after her other boyfriend went back to his ex-wife. Yes, my H may kept talking to her to but she always initiated... She actually had the gall to tell my H that I was being selfish b/c I would not let him go and let him be truly happy with her... she sure is messed up!!!

HB