I am so sorry that you two (Smiley and Jay) are in so much pain. I sure wish there was a "magic bullet" that would fix this muddle. Unfortunately, there isn't.
If you read the first post here, you will find lots of advice for a gentleman in a similar situation. Possibly a little farther along.
The advice will feel harsh to you, as your pain is so raw, but as this process continues, I hope and believe that you both will come to see the wisdom of it.
Take the pieces of it now that you can, and just realize the rest comes from the poster's personal experience. It may feel more germane some time later for you.
I wish good luck and Godspeed to you both.
Take care
J
F1's link didn't work, but here is what she was referring to:
