emotionally detaching myself and i don't want to

[thotitwudbdifrnt]

you know, i tried the flirty/ dirty emails, texts,etc. all that happened was he said i made him nervous and upset. he hated that i flirted with him. i am naturally flirtatious. i love to flirt.

H hides from me when he is naked too. he said it is bc i look at him as a piece of meat and that he thinks he looks horrible. i don't think so at all, but i can't convince him otherwise.

and he says he doesn't have to prove to me that i am beautiful and hot bc random men say that to me all the time. which is true, it happens regularly. but i don't care if every man in the whole world thinks i am hot. i only want H.


i am utterly convinced that sarcasm kills all. i used to be very sarcastic until i really heard how it sounds. now, i realize more than ever how sarcastic remarks about how love is not important, ML is not important, nothing matters. it kills my insides. all that sarcasm makes me cynical. i hate cynicism.

i hope that the Dbomb doesn't happen to you. it is so hard to live through, even when you want it. and then after that, there are all those emotions you didn't expect to have to deal with. mine was so bad. but you can make it, you did before. i know that for myself too.

incidentally, after all the talking, tonight H hugged me and kissed me with more passion than i have felt from him in months. changing? not holding my breath. maybe a move in the right direction though.

good on you!