Tonight was a rough night. I had D all day, so W came over after I took D to the doctor. Tonight was supposed to be W's night with D, but I have her instead... Long story.
When W came over, she seemed okay, but wasn't really 'herself'. She just seemed unhappy and quiet. She asked me if I had found somewhere to live yet, to which I replied "not yet", so she seemed a little agitated about that. I told her I could find somewhere else to stay over the next couple of weeks, but she insisted I stay with her because "it makes more sense financially".
We dropped off D's prescription, then went out to dinner. W didn't hardly talk the whole way - I tried to start conversations, but they didn't go anywhere. At dinner she just sat there, looking into space - I asked what the matter was, and she said "It upset me when you said that I didn't have to look after D tomorrow". I thought I had told her that I would watch D if she couldn't get the time off work, but it either came out wrong, or W misinterpreted what I said - She took it at a dig at her capabilities as a mother and that I had a problem being 'burdened' with watching D all the time. I tried to explain to her that I understood she couldn't get time off work as easily as I could, and that I didn't want her job to suffer when D is sick. We sort of skipped over it, but didn't really resolve that whole thing. I told W that we have never once had a disagreement about D, and that
W was still quiet so I just asked "So what is really bothering you". At first she said 'nothing', then she start out with 'I don't trust you. I'm afraid that you're going to try to get back into my life when we live together again". I explained that if I had an alternate arrangement, I would certainly make the most of it. I told her again I would find somewhere else to go, but she said I should stay with her because then I have the time and freedom to find somewhere I really like. We both got pretty upset over dinner, which rolled into the drive home.
1) W said "I know all you want is for the three of us to be together again, but I don't think I can do that anymore"
2) W says she is ruined financially and that she is having a hard time getting back on her feet.
3) W says every day 'hurts' and it takes tremendous energy to get through each one.
4) W is afraid that if we got back together that both she and I would fall back into our old habits and routines. She also says she has a lot of 'hurt' she has to work through and that she needs to do it on her own.
I have no idea what is going on with W right now - She's obviously in a lot of pain and is very confused. On the plus side, she is at least thinking about our R (she brought up lots of really little things that bothered her - Stuff I had difficulty remembering). She pretty much thinks she is a failure at everything and that she can't trust anyone to help her. Also got the usual "I'm worthless" stuff from her.
Tonight was the first night in three months my W left without a kiss, hug or ILY. I did give her a hug before she left, but she wasn't really into it. I told her I was there if she needed me, and she thanked me for taking care of D tonight. I don't think I've seen W cry as much as she did tonight in a very long time. She is obviously in a great deal of pain and is struggling to function normally with day to day things.
W is night and day different to how she was over the weekend. Not really sure how to handle her right now, other than doing nothing. Suggestions?
