karen, what I was thinking when I suggesting letting 'er rip in a fantasy post/speech to your H, I didn't intend that you should use that as a rehearsal for what you would/might actually say.
My thinking was that once YOU really got in touch with your deepest feelings about his attitude toward you and sex, that the next step would spontaneously and authentically occur to you. As long as you imagine saying those words to your H, I think you will censor yourself. And as long as you censor yourself, you'll never get right down to the very bottom of why this hurts, how much it hurts, how furious you are, etc.
My hypothesis is that once you see into the volcano, you will know exactly what to say to him (if anything) BUT the difference will be that your words or actions will feel authentic to him and to you.
Your first hypothetical email was so tired-sounding... like a boss who is forced to give a performance review to an employee who vaguely annoys and disgusts him. What I'm looking for is not your RESIGNATION to this situation but your PASSION. Clearly right now, sexual passion is not to be had, but rage is a kind of passion... so I was fishing for that. Just so you could feel it. NOT act on it YET. First get used to feeling the passion and then authentic action will flow from that.
