New -Devestated and Feeling Hopeless

[fooled again]

Holy crap! Were we all separated at birth? Our stories are so very similar. I quit work when my D6 was born and made both D and H my universe, lost contact with most of the few friends I did have. I never went out w/out my H, in fact I didn't even have a babysitter so that my H and I could go out, even though he often suggested both. H is very social and was always into sports, so he went out fairly often. H used to say, "Go out w/ your friends", but b/w his travel (salesman too) and his sports, there weren't many nights he was available to stay home, and even then, there was no schedule I could count on to make plans. But I never put my foot down and demanded my time. I never placed enough value on myself, instead I always put both of them before me. And all along my H was feeling that I didn't care about him, only D. There you go.

I guess the irony is, as mothers, we seem to give up too much of ourselves for our children and H's b/c we believe it's best for our family. But that makes us less desirable b/c we are no longer mysterious and interesting & our H's find someone who is. We lose our family b/c we weren't selfish enough. Crazy! Now we are forced to be selfish and take care of ourselves in order to survive, and in many cases, that makes us more desirable to our H's & they usually notice our changes and start sniffing around to see what's up. What's up is down and what's down is up. No wonder this is so hard.

Ellis, the important thing here is that you value yourself and you make sure that you are doing for yourself what you need, since obviously no one else will. I have the same exact problems with this as I have months ago, and even though it may seem like I'm so much farther along than you are, most days I don't feel that way. It is an uphill battle every day. Just when you think you are getting somewhere, you slide back down a bit, maybe not all the way, but far enough that it can be discouraging. But I come here, read, post and vent and I always feel better.

Don't give up on yourself or your M (if that's what you want). You do need to find "you". I know how you feel, not knowing who you are, thinking about the things you've given up, and for what, all the "might have beens". But in figuring out who you are, you will learn alot and if you take your time, you may discover an incredible new life for yourself (which may or may not include your H) that would not have been possible before. That's what I'm going for.

Good luck. I will be following your thread.
FA