1st post- he left- came back- & just left again

[trytoohard]

You're right, I did confuse you with another poster!

My H quit drinking because of the ow. Her H is a drinker and she told my H when their R started that she would not tolerate him drinking. This happened while my H was still at home. H quit drinking in May 2005 and our R got exponentially worse! H stopped talking to me, touching me or having anything to do with me except to look at me with disgust or loathing. H didn't tell anybody he had quit drinking, only the ow knew.

H was very sick for several weeks after he quit but he had avoided me to the point that I didn't realize he wasn't drinking for all that time.

I got the ILYBNILWY in August 2005 when I finally researched the cell phone records and discovered his A. He left 1 week after our D turned 18 in Sept 2005.

I stood for my marriage for over a year, then filed for D.

H asked me NYE 2006 to stop the D as he "wasn't ready to loose me from his life yet." Translation...ow wasn't leaving her H like she promised and the R was dying on the vine.

A died a slow, ugly death from Dec 06 to June 07.

H still credits ow with helping him to become sober and "will always owe her a debt of gratitude for her support." BLECH

I met ow in June 07 at her request and during our 2 hour meeting I thanked her for helping my H get some self-esteem back and for pushing him and encouraging him toward sobriety. I meant it sincerely as truth is truth. I told her that while I hated the majority of what their R was, I am grateful for his continued sobriety. Now, we all know that H didn't quit drinking for her, he quit for himself but, because he had this new R developing and the love and support of someone who had not suffered due to his alcoholism, he got some self-respect back. I would not have been able to cheer him on as effectively as she did because of the severe pain and loss me and my kids suffered because of his drinking.

There is a bright side to everything. H and I now spend every weekend together and I see him almost every day. H is still not home but neither one of us are rushing things.

I used to blame the alcohol for my H being a rectum and now that he is sober, I realize that sometimes he's just a rectum! But, then again, so am I.

You are growing and changing Tipper. Your H is developmentally going backwards due to his drinking and that will never change unless he does. You CANNOT change him. I should have left H along time ago and not allowed the damage that was done to happen to me and my kids. I thought I could fix him or help him change. ow didn't fix or change my H either but their R fueled his desire to improve himself so he could "catch" her. He already had me so he didn't need to work nearly so hard.

Stay strong girl. Plan your life without him but keep the candle of hope lit for him.