IMHO, don't go. Going allows him to eat cake for a little longer. I think sometimes there is so little repercussions for these WAS's. They carry on a double life, getting it both ways, (no pun intended). They feel that as LBS's we will take every little morsel from them and grasp at it. LO, your H is driving the bus to D'ville. He has filed and is pursuing the D. Part of detaching is letting him see what an Olive free world will look like.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
So, H just called from his bowling league to say "hi" (to D4 not me). When I took the phone back, he made some comment about how it was going to be a long night. I said (in a pleasant voice) "ok. talk to you later" and hung up... Sometimes I think I'm too good at this detachment thing.
I don't know about sympathy... I believe it was code for saying he was going to ow's house after... like almost a cover-up (maybe to see what I'd say) and he go ZERO reaction out of me.
Next time he calls and mentions a tough situation. It's okay for you to be a good listener and have plenty of positive empathy. Because, if this divorce does go though, you want him to leave with plenty of great memories of you, and live to regret the decision. In other words, I hope this makes sense, but balance emotional detachment and growing independence with generosity of spirit... a generosity and kindness given without expectations.
Hummmmm.... is this a wedding in his family? Do they know about the divorce? I would consider going dressed and looking HOT HOT HOT. Then I'd be the nicest person... sweet, attractive, positive and make sure everyone left thinking; "That guy is an idiot for divorcing her. He's losing something special." Be super sweet and a patient, interested listener with his family. Also, you might also do some very harmless flirting with the unattached men there and mention that once you are legally divorced... well if someone happens to know a really great guy... someone with good character, good job, etc.... ask them to keep you in mind.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Well, he's out having fun and drinking beer so that's why I just said "ok, bye"... I wasn't mean.. I just got off the phone.
The wedding is NOT going to be fun. Some of his family know about the D. One of his Uncles and current wife were affair partners and got married.. lovely... If I do end up going, d@mn right I will being looking SMOKING HOT!!
wedding or not, I agree with ROOT that it is good to be very nice and friendly with family and friends, especially the ones that H will interact with. He will hear from others how great you are and what kind of an idiot he is for D'ing you.
One of his Uncles and current wife were affair partners and got married.. lovely...
I know what that's like.
My husband's father had a long-term affair and married her... and they were part of that small percentage of affair-marriages that work out. It's not easy to "fight" role models like that.
But you are smart and you seem to have this DBing down so either way I know you'll be fine. Hey, you just may be "too busy" to go the wedding. Maybe "important plans" that you can't cancel.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
