New -Devestated and Feeling Hopeless

[SueS]

Hi Ellis-

Boy, you could have taken some of the words directly out of my mouth with your sitch. Other than the fact that I've been in the work place, we're in a similar spot. I understand the lost feeling without your H. Although I am in the work place, I truly don't have "friends" that I do things with. I don't. I've always made my H and my D3 the top priority. I never made plans without seeing what we had going on first (just common courtesy to me, I guess). And, often if H did have plans in mind for us, I NEVER told him that I'd already made plans. I just cancelled what I had and did what he wanted to do.

I almost went back to school when D3 was born. I was enrolled in classes and she was born a week before classes started. It was just too overwhelming for me. H didn't really understand what it was like for me. I quit right away and regret it to this day. I know it looks like a lot and maybe too high of a mountain to climb, but just try it. Use your daughter as your inspiration. If I'd kept at it, I'd be in a much better position now and I'd likely not have to worry about whether or not I'm going to be able to support D3 and I on my own.

Your comment about the way you are socially is me to the tee. H has an outgoing personality and I'm the quiet one. I wait to see what the situation is and what's around me. I've often had people tell me after I've gotten to know them that they think I'm a totally different person than they first expected me to be. I know I need to be more outgoing, but being careful is just who I am.

You are right about the scheduling. Not your problem. My H wants to separate. He has no idea that when he does, it won't mean that he can see our D3 whenever he wants, on his own time and schedule. I won't allow it. Not just to be a b*tch, but so D3 can have as normal of a life as I can provide for her.

It's easy for us to tell others what to do. You're getting good advice and support here. Be strong. You sound a lot stronger than most would expect at this point. You sound like a wonderful, caring mom who knows what she wants and needs to do for herself and her daughter. I know it's tough, man do I know it. Today I am one month shy of being 40. I try not to think about it, but then like a shovel in the face, it hits me. I very well might be a 40-year old single mom with a preschooler. I hate that. I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade it for anything. BUT, my H was always on the side of not wanting kids. I wanted kids, but wasn't devastated when H told me he didn't think he wanted them. One day he came home announcing that he wanted them. I was thrilled. We tried and I got pregnant very quickly. NOW, just shy of 4 years after she was born, H is looking to leave. I say I hate this because although H LOVES D3, he runs from responsibility. He always has. I can tell at times (even just this past Sunday) that the amount of time that D3 needs from me makes him upset....as if she's taking time away from him. Again, he does love her. I know he does. But having her was his decison too. And now her world is splitting apart. That's what I hate.

I'll check with you soon. Take care!!

SueS