Just bought a 1 way non-refundable ticket to Dtown

[Hurtin4certain]

She IM'd me today.

She had the talk with OM and he is leaving sometime around the 15th. Apparently he was sad and asked lots of questions about why she chose me over him.

W told me they didnt love each other, now all of a sudden, Im feeling this jealousy creep over me, so weird.

W said they got along great, never fought but that she didnt love him. I was almost hoping that they were fighting for some reason, it would be easier for me to accept.

But they are ending their relationship on good terms, scares me. She told me she wishes him the best but that she loves me and needs to work on her family.

Wow..this is crazy.

[SueS]

H4C-

Of course they didn't fight. They hadn't gone through any real tough times together yet. I wouldn't be upset about that. I know stranger things have happened, but it's hard to believe that he would come all the way back from Vegas a second time to see if things could work with her. I just don't see it.

I think you're in a good spot. She's trying. She's got dates set for his leaving...etc.

I know you're probably very anxious over this. I would be too. Just take it easy. This seems to be going in the right direction for you.

SueS

[LL44]

Wow. Actually, I think its better that they weren't fighting. Your W wasn't in a stressful situation (minus her adulterous behavior but you know what I mean...), she is choosing to leave for YOU. Choosing to kick him out, realizing its not 'real' love. This is all good. Keep up your strong front, requiring actions from her, etc.

PS: I have never felt such insane jealously as I have since H confessed.

[Michael Mc C]

Here's my take on it. Your wife has come to her senses. She has realized that what she felt was excitement, attraction and I'm sure she was getting some much need attention (no offense meant).

What she did NOT feel was the loving bond that she already had with you.

I understand wishing he was leaving with a negative impact on her but honestly I think your wife has simply come out of the fog. There is no need for her to despise him. In fact she probably feels a bit guilty (for him) because she allowed a relationship to begin in the first place.

She did not set out with the intention to hurt anyone and she knows that this has caused pain all around.

AND it doesn't sound like she's planning on coming back out of a sense of obligation. It sounds like she WANTS to be back and that she WANTS your marriage to work.

I am very happy for you right now. I don't think it's going to be easy of course but I would much rather have my wife decide to come back to me instead of wondering if she comes back out of default - because there was nothing better.

That, as they say, is my 2 cents.

[LL44]

A big huge YES to everything Michael said...I totally agree!

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks guys and gals!

I know I need to keep on DBing even when things are looking up. Hopefully with enough practice, DBing will stick and become a way of life for me.

I never want to lose my confidence again and hinge all my happiness on my marriage. Fingers crossed!

[Michael Mc C]

I agree, "Divorce Busting" is a bit of a misnomer as it doesn't apply JUST to saving a marriage. It's a way to get ourselves to the place we need to really be as humans - cocky, confident, loving and happy with who we are. None of us would be here if not for the marital issues but I think we are learning a lot more than how to troubleshoot issues with our spouses.

That way of life you mentioned and the retention of confidence is something we should all be taught as children.

[Hurtin4certain]

So W has been staying in contact for the last week. All day long IM conversations and phone calls before she goes to bed.

The past 2 days she hasnt really contacted me much, this is eerily similiar to when she was getting ready to move OM in with her. Contact started to tail off.

Im getting anxious again that she may have rekindled R with OM but that is pure speculation but it sounds like this is par for the course by looking at other people's sitches.

He is supposed to be leaving on the 15th and she begged me to be patient and understanding. I guess Im just worried they have rekindeled their R.

I have not initiated contact with her at all during this time, she always contacts me. I told her I couldnt do anything until OM left her house.

Any advice?

[ntl]

Aaack!! H4C!! I missed all these developments! Wow. Sounds like she's had a falling out w. OM. I would definitely tread cautiously here. It may be that they're fighting and now she's wanting to come back to you to "show" him. Be yourself (don't go out of your way to contact her or to fawn over her) and give back as much as you get. So, no need to be distant or detached when she's being loving, but don't let her think you're a lapdog. Women need to know their men are not pushovers and won't just take anything.

If she's coming home, I would certainly let her know she can't have any contct with the OM. And that if she's serious about you two working things out, she has to have ZERO interaction with him.

Good luck. I hope everything works out just as you want it!!

Oh! As for the idea of letting the divorce go through...I've often grappled with that same issue. I wonder if I should just divorce my H, see if he is consistent and serious about making his changes, and then remarry if the impetus and desire to have a new and renewed marriage is there. I can't give you any guidance, but it seems symbolically wonderful to me to break the past and start anew if the love and commitment is there.

ntl

[Hurtin4certain]

Yeah, you could be right.

W told me that they never fight though, they just dont love each other. He is scheduled to move out of her house and either back to Vegas or Texas on the 15th.

She told me she wishes him the best and that she doesnt plan on contacting him ever again.

So far, no contact from W today, usually she will have sent me an IM by now.

Getting nervous.