H never came back from Iraq

[MichelleLT]

Well, had my national guard drill this last weekend. We had a totally insane storm and ended up canceling our FTX, partly because we were figuring we were gonna end up filling sandbags locally.

Saturday night a lot of people didn't see the point to driving home since most of them had power out and the roads had so much water and debris on them. So 7 of us played Dungeons & Dragons in the armory instead. It was a lot of fun, but I haven't played since the last time my H offered to be Dungeon Master and lead a campaign, which was shortly after he got back from his deployment (that barely lasted a month as he quickly got frustrated and annoyed with the whole thing). Anyways, it brought up a lot of memories and has had me doing a lot of thinking.

I kinda want to ask H if he's interested in playing since he seems to have so little that he's doing, but I worry that he'd see it as some desperate attempt to see him or something. Plus I'm not sure when he's getting back from seeing OW and when he's going to military police training since he's switching his MOS from infantry.

The new semester starts today. I'm not ready to go back to school. I have so little motivation right now. I really wish I was done or could take a break, but I'm so close to finishing it would be silly to take time off. I'm only taking 9 units this semester, so it shouldn't be too bad (relatively speaking as it is law school lol).

I really wish I could make it through a week without crying. I keep thinking that it should get easier as time passes, but it's not. Maybe cuz I still can't get past the whole promises thing. H has always been a person who prided himself on his honor. I can't see much of that person in the way H has been acting the last 7 months though.

H posted another blog on MySpace. I haven't read it yet. I made myself log into Final Fantasy XI last night to remove the temptation (in full-screen mode there's no way to access other programs). Although it kept me from looking at it, it certainly hasn't reduced my curiosity. I keep telling myself anything he writes is going to be heavily edited and biased because anyone can read it and he doesn't want to be the bad person in all of this. That doesn't help with my curiosity either though. /sigh