I just didn't get a chance yesterday to be away from H long enough to get on and post. I get suspicious of time that he's clicking away on the computer and I know he does of me too. Not as big of a deal with me, but he has a tendency to say.....Well, you do it, why can't I. I didn't want to get into that with him.
Saffie-I'm okay for now. I did end up laying on the couch and falling asleep on Sat. night/Sun. morning. I wanted to go back to my bed, but I didn't want him to try his advances with me again, just to hear more insults. H woke me up in the morning asking why I'd slept on the couch. Didn't remember a thing. Scares me, as I know he was driving....my vehicle. lwb, you were right! H acted "as if" on Sunday, going as far as to have D3 ask me if I wanted to go out to breakfast with them. I did go. We had a good time. H was obviously very hung over. He was also very flirty the rest of the day. ???? He did sleep a lot, so I took advantage of that time for some downtime of my own. I was tired. D3 has started waking up again during the night.
Sally- You mentioned narcisism (sp?) in your post to me. My C said that she feels this way about my H, at least that he's borderline. She brought up questions about his family too. I know that my C sessions are about me, but she's trying to figure out what kind of person I'm dealing with. I believe very much that he has a lot of self-loathing. H also doesn't see me as a strong, faithful, loving woman. He sees me as a weak one. He has asked me why I would love him if he's done the things he's done.
HI ROB!!! Thanks so much for checking on me so quickly after your return. I hope you had a great vacation. D3 has been asking us to take her to the water park. We took a few days off in Oct. '06 and took her to one. It was hard not being able to tell her....Sure Honey! I just keep saying, We'll See. I'd like you to tell me what part of H's actions show that he's been shaken up lately. I feel like the more shaken one. He sure didn't seem to bothered by much, as he went out on New Year's Eve, 2 nights last weekend and without snooping (well, very little), I'm fairly aware that he's seen OW a couple of times. I do wonder though, if this coming out in the open has pushed their contact a little more underground. Just a few things that seem to have decreased. His pc time when I'm up and around the house. Yes, he still gets on it, but not as much when I'm awake. There have been a few times that I've woken up to D3's crying...etc., to hear him clicking away. His working out late. He went to workout last night at 8:00 and was home early. Now, I don't doubt that the contact is still there and very strong. I just see them trying to hide it better so it doesn't have to stop.
H asked me on Friday night if I still would like to go to Indiana to see his family. We were scheduled to go next weekend, but that's been moved up to this coming Friday-next Monday. I told him that I'd like to so I could see some friends of mine, but that I thought maybe that was a decision he should make. He asked why I felt it was up to him. I told him that it was his family and he needed to decide if he wanted me there. He told me, no, it's up to you. If you want to come, you're welcome to come. Now, there's a tiny part of me that wants to say NO...you go. However, I don't think he'd take D3 for 4 days by himself. And, if he doesn't take her, it's extremely unfair to his family because they miss her terribly. And, I don't really want him to take her by himself for 4 days. I don't doubt that she'd be okay, but I just can't get myself to let her go. And, there's also that thing inside that tells me that this is time (especially the drive time) that we're together as a family. Not much getting away from each other. Maybe that will be too much for H to handle, maybe not.
D3 has literally been a Godsend for me during all of this. It's tough to watch her see things happening that she can't control and seeing her confused and trying to hold on so tight. But, she's the one that keeps me smiling, laughing and seeing that I do have things to look forward to. I just laughed the other day when I told her that she needed to clean her room. She said...We need to clean my room. I asked her who made the mess. She said, I made the mess, but you have to help me clean it up!!
Sheila- Thanks! Trust me, it's been hard to hold my tounge lately. I don't want to be a b*tch and push him away further, but yet I feel like I need to push and be stronger to show him that I'm not weak. I'm not incapable.
