Here's the problem as I see it. That sickening feeling that you would have gotten in your stomach if your X had packed her bags is the sickening feeling that the HD partner feels all the time when rejected and fearing loss. In theory, I am in favor of open calm mature communication about feelings but talking about feelings like that sickening feeling doesn't really communicate them adequately. The only way to communicate that feeling is to exhibit behavior that causes that feeling in your partner. In a healthy relationship, it shouldn't take actually packing your bags to do that and the feeling shouldn't have to reach the point of being sickening. We are all vulnerable and we need to experience exposure of that vulnerability in order to appreciate what we have in our lives. In my next LT relationship I intend to do my part to create/maintain desire, longing and the pain of passion and the fear of vulnerability revealed in my partner by letting him experience both my absence and my presence, both my gifts and my greed etc. etc. The question I have for you is why are you still letting women chase you when you know the power dynamic that will set up? Letting yourself be vulnerable is really the opposite of being an unappealing passive-aggressive nice guy. Who knows? Maybe I'm full of cr*p but I think you are putting way too much emphasis on the way a woman will react to placating behavior and not enough emphasis on why you strive for the opposite.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
