Starting to get it...

[Dom R]

Heya... i was out on vacation.. plus I havent checked on hyou in a while I dont usually read newcomers. It's just too much to keep up with...

So, this is going back to the 28th

Up-front comment: first off.. GREAT job answering stuff about the OM(but I snipped that part). That's what you have to keep doing. to reassure him, whenever he asks. It will get better, if you keep doing this, without impatience or resentment. It will take longer than you'd like.. but it will get better.

anyone have advice on how i should respond to H when he's feeling really low w/out lying or sugar coating everything?

...



M: You aren't holding me back. That was a mistake i made. I'm exactly where i want to be. Right here, with you and the girls is exactly where i want to be and want to stay.
H: Are you happy with me. Are you sure. Nothing is wrong.
(here is where i struggle. Am i happy with the way things are? NO. Do i want to tell him that while he is thinking this way and so down on himself? NO)
M: I love you. I'm happy that we are M and I don't ever want to lose that.
H: ok.

I just wish there was a way that i could explain to him that i'm not happy, but i want us to get back on track and that it's going to take a lot of work on both our parts. that i want us both to be happy. That i want our M to be stronger than ever, but I have a hard time tiptoeing around him all the time. I probably just need to be patient.

Ok, this sounds like a major problem between you two.
you cant keep lying to him. sounds like he gets some kind of echo that something is wrong, but he honestly just doesnt know what to do.


I think that you need to tell him that you arent happy, and why.

or, maybe just tell him things that you would like him to do differently.
I might suggest not saying "I'm not happy". But rather, "I'd really like it if you did...."

Remember: most men are problem solvers. They want to DO something, to "fix" things. If you share something that he could do, that will honestly make you happier... it will make HIM happier, too, that he gets to actually do something about things between you two.


PS: the thing about IUD that made you sad... i think it should make you really happy. he trusts you again. that is a huge positive for you.

Be sad, but only about the bad past, and wasted time.... be happy about the present, and how much better it is at its foundation now

Sorry to hear you're back with your sex phobia thing when he initiates.
Maybe that's what you should use your IC credits for. See a sex therapist to help you deal with those feelings better.

I think that Atlas's(?) suggestion about asking H to romance you a teeny bit first, sounds like a great idea too, though.
Hope it works out better for you.