Rather than me listing the links, go to Google and search "selecting a divorce attorney". The sites also cover mediation. They list many of the questions to ask.
A quick trip to the book store will also yield books that you can copy down questions from.
Take the questions with you when you interview the attorney.
Most important: Go with someone who does divorce for a living. My lawyer does nothing but. My stbxW picked a general lawyer and we had to correct many of his mistakes (and of course I came out way ahead). Those who do nothing but divorce know the latest laws and more importantly they know the judges and how they may rule.
Is custody an issue? Then ENSURE that your lawyer has mucho experience there. And be prepared to pay for it.
Never agree to mediation with a lawyer who already advised your W. Mediation should be independent. Have your lawyer explain to you the advantages/disadvantages of mediation, knowing going in that lawyers make more money going to trial. In some states you have to mediate. But don't agree to mediate until you talk to a lawyer. Even if you mediate you still want to have a lawyer to get advice when needed.
Fully understand the retainer and the hourly fees. Most good lawyers will charge even for the initial consult (half their hourly rate where I live) so do ask around before you spend a lot on random interviewing. Ask what an average trial costs. Ask how many of their clients settle before trial. Ask about the custody issues and their impacts on costs.
Yes, finding someone you 'like' is good but that should not be your only criteria. Better to find the best lawyer you can afford to protect yourself, especially if W is hiding things. I saved much more in my financial settlement than my lawyer cost. Hire a top gun - it is worth it. Ask around for recommendations.
Another good resource: the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. They have a good website loaded with info - and their parenting plan is the standard.
The name of the game is to protect yourself. This is business. Don't rush to settlement - you have to live with this agreement the rest of your days. Don't sign things just to move on quickly or to give her what she wants hoping she will reconsider.
You don't trust her? Good. That is the attitude that will protect you and your future.
