The Great Wall Part II

[Stigmata]

"If you move, I will kill you -- look carefully into my eyes and see that I am deadly serious stare?

ooohhhh..that's good.
I'm going to try that on H tonight.


As for the rest of your post, my eyes just glazed over.

LFL

Um, I figured y'all were smart enough to know this was figurative and should be adjusted to your gender accordingly. You're lucky you put that grin there, you, or I would start to doubt.

Where does it say tough love involves screaming after months of silent fake happiness?

Mmm, yes, I found that's the most effective way of building trust and communication.

Better yet, wait until I walk in the door after a stressful day to ambush me with a tirade of your grievances after so many months of hiding from me emotionally.

Yes, that's womanspeak and I don't get it. Women can't get serious and direct in open honest communication.


I said before that Karen has to take back her power in terms of not resting it in H's lap in terms of when she would like sex. It feels good, go and get it. H isn't going to change overnight obviously so you have to start somewhere. It takes a long time to steer/turn around a big honking aircraft carrier already set in motion. Even said seducing him as is presented here will work.

Unfortunately, yes, initiating with him every time without holding his feet to the fire about also initiating forms a nice entrenched pattern for him and he gets to go with the flow and further get confused why he is causing such buried resentment.

Glaze over. Fine. But I will tell you right now, if an F lays into me after so many months of not saying anything ... and I KNOW she isn't going to leave me over the issue we are going to have bigger problems. Takes hen-pecking to another level.

Now, if she grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, pushed me down in a chair, hashed it out like rational adults and gave me an ultimatum without that shrill F ear-piercing tone I will perk up and clear my fog.This ultimatum being she is very unhappy and is going to leave me because she can't take living like this anymore. She can even slowly build up her voice to a low roar.

If I know she is going to pack her bags and is not bluffing it's going to scare the hell out of me. Or if after we cleared the air rationally I have not followed through on my end and I god forbid see the bags in the kitchen soon to be loaded in her car I am going to feel sick.

Fine. Karen sais she won't leave no matter what. But there has to be something else equally grave to fit into that ultimatum slot.

But to blast me with your litany of examples where I have ignored you and didn't initiate here, here, there, and there when you had been a nice, sweet albeit curiosly distant partner of a whole year is not going to make me trust you. No way.

Hm, wonder what else she's hiding? What else about me bothers her that I don't know about? Hm, makes me want to chew on some of that nice resentment about her as well.

Faking comfort and satisfaction with me and my family over long periods while seething with resentment inside seems inauthentic. Sorry.

Of course I know this from experience. See, unlike you, LFL, x never bothered to come to me about her feelings or what she felt was lacking, or what she was doing behind my back in terms of building attractions to OMs.

That's why I give you credit and I feel is your saving grace -- the ballz to approach your H about your contacts with OMs. If you had gone through with soldier dork or Chrome any respect I have for you undoubtedly would have been wiped out.

But I get the M-F differences on this. That's why I was shocked to see an actual scientific study that showed more than 2x the number of Fs than Ms justified their own cheating. "I was unhappy. I wanted more sex."

X just went and fcuked them. Like your GF, she thought and even said as much, 'you were never supposed to find out." Yes, the sign of true respect for me. Aw, I can't tell him, it would just hurt him. It's just sex after all, as your GF said. Why ruin an otherwise good R? LMAO That one kills me.

Yes, I suppose what I don't know doesn't hurt me. Oh, unless you count me eventually developing full-blown AIDS. Yes, I think that would classify as "hurting" me, hm?

Don't think were all at opposite ends here. As GEL once aptly put it, there needs to be a "Come to Jesus" communication.

But for godsakes would you Fs stop putting on a fake happy persona around us for long periods then unload in anger in a neverending cycle? Would you deliver a wake up call via your dealbreaker?

That's why we Ms like operating manuals and slot A, tab B, 145-step linear directions to assemble that stupid snow blower. Tell us how to fix it. Don't scream like -- talk about eyes glazing over.

That's why it's so hard for me to visit this site. If x had only come to me and expressed her months and months of unhappiness with me I would have done just about anything to put a stop to it for fear of losing her.

I never got that chance. She went inside her head and decided my fate. All those months of fake comfortability while secretly resenting me inside all to end in one big mushroom cloud point of no return when she finally had the courage to drop the bomb and throw away years of our lives and shatter my foolish rose-colored version of our future together into old age. I guess that was selfish of me to think that. I should have noticed. I should have upgraded my telepathy hardware.

I don't think her shouting me down would have sunk in. I think if she had only sat down with me and we had a real heart-to-heart talk and that she gave me her tough love ultimatum, whatever it was, I would have taken notice ... at least I would hope.



I know. Too much to ask. Never mind. Gotta go now. Take care. Carry on.

-Stigmata-