nwlywed,sorry for your situation, too. i have never, ever had this problem in any R i've ever had. and it doesn't make sense to me for someone to say 'you are so hot' and that they are attracted to me but they won't touch me.
Thats exactly what I think too...
Originally Posted By: thotitwudbdifrnt
H is convinced that a counselor or a dr can't help. don't know why.
Hes being stubborn and enjoys living in his world of Poor me Poor me...
Originally Posted By: thotitwudbdifrnt
you see, our SL issues have further issues with depression.
I am thinking that i was a good 'out' for a bad situation in his life. a way that he wouldn't have to tell his family that he lost his job. somewhere along the line i guess he really fell in love with me. i can't say that is for sure true. he didn't think we would stay married. he didn't even tell his family we were getting married (they live really far away). i called his mom 2 weeks after the wedding and introduced myself. H was mad but i didn't want to start a R with my new family like that.
Seems to me.. and please dont take this as a put down, but it seems like he just isnt that into you anymore. It may seem harsh, but maybe he was looking for someone to take care of him when he lost his job and now that he's back on his feet maybe he feels he doesnt need you anymore?
Originally Posted By: thotitwudbdifrnt
i guess when i add it up, there are lots of mean things he has done to me. lots of moments where something was said that i didn't deserve at all.
Im in the same boat... Reactions that are outside the 'norm' for the situation. Blowing up over me accidentally skipping her turn on a board game, etc...
Originally Posted By: thotitwudbdifrnt
to top it all off, i grew up watching my parents be madly in love with each other (now almost 40 years!). they have had fights but they always were passionately in love. like something out of a movie. THAT is what i want. and i know it can be that way. i have seen it. i married a different man than the one i fell for. he was passionate and loving and demonstrative.
So did I, thats what I 'thought' I had, My parents have been together for close to 50 years. They have had fights but over major stuff, not over little petty stuff. They are mostly loving and cooperative, not combative - looking for things to be mad about.
Originally Posted By: thotitwudbdifrnt
to be truthful with you all, i care a lot less than i did about our SL. maybe it doesn't matter as much as i thought it did. i have noticed that i am becoming more cynical and less passionate. i hate that. i have worked on myself until i am blue in the face.
You can work on yourself till the end of time. Even IF youve contributed to the downfall of the R, youve only contributed 1/2 and until that other person recognizes their role and is willing to make some changes and compromises and SEE that youre trying to do whatever you can to hold the R together it is pointless.
Originally Posted By: thotitwudbdifrnt
question: if i were to do a self-imposed moratorium on sex and not be so 'easy', not be available at all for it at any time, should i tell him what i am doing? or would it even matter?
I doubt it would even matter... He probably wouldnt even notice... If he is unwilling to even see how you are hurting and wont help or get help when its in front of his face. If you take away the pressure he will probably just figure you gave up.
