Real growing and healing

[cat03]

I often find myself being really unhappy about that, because I keep thinking that she SHOULD do something, put some kind of energy into me. She does that for everyone else.

before my H left in 05 I thought, to the best of my ability, that I was supportive, that I was helping by leaving him alone in the afternoons and take the kids out so he can have some quiet time (much later during C he told me I made it worse by leaving him alone), by encouraging him to pray (by then he'd lost his religion and it just made him angry) , by suggesting he'd take a sick day when he was feeling ill (it infuriated him that I would suggest he was too weak to keep on going), etc.
Perhaps she does not know how to support you the way you need her to, and perhaps you don't really know how you want her to support you either, but my point is, that it might not be that she doesn't *want* to, is that she does not know how.

She feels that she can't do anything to help 'fix me' because that is my responsibility.

In a way she is right, I carried my M on my shoulders while my H wallowed in misery and seeked an alternative cure for his depression (ow). I was doing all I could, but things where never right because at some point he just looked for band aids instead of taking a hard look at himself and treat whatever was ailing him. Only now does he realize that he was fooling himself. He needed to make that decision, my months of support did little/nothing to change how he was feeling.

I do see your point though, you do want to feel she'll be there for you. It is a hard balancing act to decide wether one should be "rescuing" a spouse (another can of worms) or let them "buckle up" and decide to face their issues on their own.

My H is taking St. Johns Wort, I've been told by a psychologist friend that it is a mood enhancer and it is prescribed in Europe for depression (my H also suffered anxiety attacks these past weeks). I'm aware you are already taking a few other supplements, but I thought I'd throw that suggesting your way.
If you decide to get it, get the one that is pure (no other herbs) 300mg 3x a day, and to take it a break off it every 4mths or so.

I'm not a regular poster on your threads, but I can recognize a good man when I see one, you are having your deserved "time out" from rescuing W and others, we all need to defuse from time to time.
A courageous man is not the one who marches into battle without fear, is the one who, feeling fear, marches into battle.