One more night, one more night I've been trying so long to let you know Let you know how I feel And if I stumble if I fall, just help me back So I can make you see
Please give me one more night, give me one more night One more night cos I can't wait forever Give me just one more night, oh just one more night One more night cos I can't wait forever
I've been sitting here so long Wasting time, just staring at the phone And I was wondering should I call you Then I thought maybe you're not alone
Please give me one more night, give me just one more night One more night, cos I can't wait forever Please give me one more night, ooh just one more night One more night, cos I can't wait forever Give me one more night, give me just one more night One more night, cos I can't wait forever
Like a river to the sea I will always be with you And if you sail away I will follow you
Give me one more night, give me just one more night One more night, cos I can't wait forever I know there'll never be a time you'll ever feel the same And I know it's only words But if you change your mind you know that I'll be here And maybe we both can learn
Give me just one more night, give me just one more night One more night, cos I can't wait forever Give me just one more night, give me just one more night One more night, cos I can't wait forever
I have been very busy this weekend. Haven't posted because I couldn't find the right song. I think I found a good one...
Well, I drove with #3 to FIL's house on Friday. The wife made it very clear that she did not want me to go. I later discerned that the reason was she would miss an opportunity to... um... "see" her boyfriend who was going to be nearby.
So we arrived safely late Friday. I woke up at 4:00 AM Saturday and thought to myself, "Why am I here?" I actually considered driving home without flying. The fact that her father is helping my wife divorce me coupled with the fact that I am expecting him to help me with this goal....well, it just made me uncomfortable. I even considered ditching my goal of flying altogether. I decided to press ahead, and see what happened.
We flew on Saturday morning. The day started out with high, thin clouds, which quickly turned into low ceilings with light rain with moderate winds. And with the temperature was hovering just above freezing, I got my first lesson in flying in hazardous weather. We stayed around 2400 feet and got tossed around like a rag doll. I can tell you, when you are in command of an aircraft, turbulence is not as scary as it is as a passenger. It was great. After landing, FIL went into detail regarding what we will cover in the next lesson, and we talked at length about what I did well and what I need to improve.
So...I have found my calling. I does not matter who teaches me, this is absolutely a goal that I will not let go of. This is my "fire in the bones" GAL. This is me, and this is what I want to do. I will do this. I will not quit.
Next....well, oK, let's rewind a bit: prior to my trip, I heard privately from another DBer who suggested that I delicately talk to the in-laws about my wife. Remember, I was told by Shrek's wife that my wife told Shrek that her father is paying for the divorce and helping to pay for housing for my wife after the D is final....
Well, um...I know I will catch heck from more than a few of you... but I threw it out there as we were preparing dinner on Saturday evening: "Hey, um....what... ah, what do you think of this stuff W is up to? I...I know she told you she was carrying on with this guy... and now she wants to dump me and take up with him. What do you suppose is on her mind?" They immediately told me they were "Switzerland" - impartial. In favor of the marriage, yet supportive of us as individuals. As the conversation unfolded, it became clear that either the wife was lying to Shrek, or they were doing a very good job of lying to me. I soon concluded that it had to be the former. It is absolutely clear to me that my wife is paralyzed with fear that her boyfriend is going to give up on her. This is not the first time I have posted this, btw. She does not want to lose him. He listens.
Anyway, I am glad that I had the conversation with them. I did tell them three things that they did not know: The relationship is not dead; he is also married; and she wants to be his fourth wife. I regret saying the last one, because it was an absolute dagger in FIL's heart. He was visibly shaken, both angry and disappointed in my wife. Any chance of them supporting her is probably now dead because of what I told them. Do I regret it? No. They needed to know the truth.
OK, DB'ers ... bring it on... take the gloves off and let me have it. I'm a big boy - I can take it.
So.....next chapter:
I had a nice long telephone conversation on the way home with a trusted friend who suggested that what I see as a "GAL," my wife sees me as "LTH" ... leaving the house. In other words, my GAL's aren't moving me to the "next level." And if what I am doing isn't working (and it isn't), then it's time to try something different. I am not giving up my GAL's - just adding to them. And what I am adding is gentle pursuit, such as casual flirting (drive-by flirting), and indirect pursuing. For example, invite her to sit down to dinner when it's a "quickie/family-on-the-run-stand-at-the-island-in-the-kitchen dinner." Offer her a drink. Share a bottle of a new wine. Offer to watch a DVD movie together. Nothing big. But, as most of us know, the wife has no idea that I am DBing - no idea that I want to keep the family intact. I have committed to him that I will do these thigs this week. And she wants to have a "money talk" this week, so when she brings it up again, I will suggest we have it over cocktails at a local watering hole.
OK, I think that's enough. Thanks for your supportive words. And the critical ones as well...
Thanks, Sara. I know there was a risk in "opening the can."
And I know that I'm gonna hear it from my wife, because I got an email from FIL that was sent to both my wife and me. The email was a gentle suggestion that we pursue counseling for the children to help them cope with the impending change.
While I agree that counseling for them will be beneficial, his timing was not good. I expect that as soon as my wife reads this, she is going to grill be about what I talked to them about when I was there. I am not worried; I can handle it. I intend to reply that the asked how the kids were doing, and I told them.
BTW, in the course of the discussion with the in-laws last weekend, SMIL suggested that a solution for the marriage may be found in counseling for the family. I agreed, and this email, I believe, was their follow-up to our discussion.
You go guy I'm glad you took a leap of faith and had that convo with the in-laws. This is their family too... their daughter, grandchildren and son by marriage. It's good for them to see that you haven't give up too
Thanks Sheila. I knew it was the right thing to do. Back in September, when I first spoke to them about our marital difficulties, I made it clear to them that I will not ask them to do (or not do) anything. And I kept to my word. It was just talking, nothing more.
Way to go Mark. I just have one thing to add. If you catch heck from the wife it would be a great time to say I wanted to let them know that I love you and I want our marriage to work. It could also be a great time to say I am concerned about you and your actions because I love you. I thought it would be great if someone else who loves you knew so they could also be there for you.
Mark I am curious. I don't think I have ever heard you mention this before. At least I read back and couldn't find it. But how did you find out about your wife's affair? Did she come and admit it? Also what was the state of the marriage right before this happened?
I'm glad you took a leap of faith and had that convo with the in-laws. This is their family too... their daughter, grandchildren and son by marriage. It's good for them to see that you haven't give up too