Anned, Thank you. I have been unsure how to respond to Dom. You see my husband thinks that are marriage is going to be better overnight. The only thing he has asked me to do is accept him as he is.
it seems like you are contradicting yourself, WW. Before, you said that your husband asked you for sex. now you are saying this?
Quote:
I lived with him looking at the computer every day. What drew the line was watching porn in the kitchen while my daughter is home, going to cheaters websites to actively look for a wife who wants to cheat and setting up a meeting to have sex. I do not know how often he has met women for sex.
This puts things in an entirely different light, however.
If you had started with that, then I would have written quite differently, or not at all.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Thanks so much Anned. You are really helping me. Husband called this AM just before I left for work and told me that he still loves me and wants to talk tonight. I don't know what he wants to talk about.
Just a quick word about my daughter, I don't think she is trying to manipulate me so much as she is trying to protect herself. She is in counseling and says she talks about this stuff, so maybe she is actually the heathliest!
I have to go find some dinner before the husband calls, but I'll be back later.
Glad to hear that my suggestions can help and that you might have some good news on both fronts: your husband & your daughter.
Follow your inner voice. That's something I have had to learn, slowly, and I still have trouble believing my own worth - that what I might be feeling is potentially valid.
Anned, he called and wanted to work things out. I wouldn't give in. He told me that he won't call any more and will come get his stuff in the spring (there is no way he can haul his heavy stuff out of here in the winter, we don't even plow the driveway it's so bad).He said he'll wait for my call to tell him what is next. I can't go from one day good-bye to the I love you to I'm angry to let's work things out and all over again within in a couple of days. When I asked about work he told me that he would try for social security again before he would ever apply for another job. That sums it up for me, he wants the easy way, things handed to him.
Ww -- I can understand your reluctance to move between all of the different moods. I am having trouble with just one mood between my husband and I; more would be crazy.
Do you have any outside support - AlAnon or something like that, or even a trusted pastor or counselor? I haven't attended an Al-Anon meeting myself (although I think that is my next step), but from what I have heard, the community you find is incredibly supportive. It sounds to me like you could use some clarity about which direction to take next - and I applaude your choice to take it slowly. I tend to think - and much of what I've read on DB suggests this is so - that reconciling too quickly can back-fire with a vengence. Not taking your husband back right away doesn't seem to me to be abandoning your marriage; instead it seems wanting to make sure you have gotten yourself into a good place before stepping back into the challenges.
Let me know how things keep going. I am sending warm thoughts on a snowy day your way that you will find the insights and the support to do what you need.
