How to win my wife back? HELP!!

[smileysmile1966]

Ok..simple question.

To those who are or had been separated from there husband now living apart (separate houses) but still not D'd.

Did you or had you had your emotional/physical needs met by OM?
Maybe a co worker? Whether he is M or whatever?

Now this is ONLY a question for somebody who had been "HURT" and is "ANGRY" by the way your husband had treated you. That you had to get out of the M for his unreasonable behaviour ONLY.
Not because you fell out of love for him or stopped fancing him but non other than he WOULDN'T CHANGE.

Does this sound like you?

When a woman first seriously considers divorce she usually isn’t thinking about the theological implications of her desires – all she knows is that she feels like she has to get away from her husband. She doesn't arrive at this state of desperation by a process of calm deduction. She is simply reacting to the feeling that she "can't take anymore." Her departure is typically a sign that she has hardened her heart towards the man to whom she once entrusted it. Likely, she has been hurt over and over, and finally decided she will tolerate no more emotional pain. Her leaving may have been an attempt to coerce her husband to change, but more often it has been a desperate effort to survive. She sincerely believes that she cannot endure anymore heartache, so she has reached out and grabbed onto the separation like a drowning swimmer clings to a life ring.

Sadly, most husbands have few memories of “hurting” their wives. But let all such men consider – if a woman does something as extreme as leave her mate, claiming she can no longer handle the emotional pain, isn’t it likely she is, in fact, in pain? (If emotional feelings could bleed, a man would see a trail of blood following his wife as she walks away from him.) The truth is that a hardened woman only got that way because her feelings got hurt over and over. Herein lies the problem – most women believe that they have communicated their hurt to their husbands, but most husbands only have memories of their wife’s bad attitudes. All those times a wife thought she was simply expressing the cry of an injured heart, her husband only perceived hostility, coldness, or hatred. She felt like she was begging for tenderness and sensitivity, and he backed away because he thought he was being attacked.


Does this sound like your feelings?
Then a short time after you have separated your heads all over the place and your co worker has started to pay attention to you and one thing leads to another. Was he a MM? Did you care? Was it real? Did you want more? Was it revenge for what your husband done to you? Were you trying to hurt him? Get back at him? Or was this OM "support" for all the crap your ex put you through?
Was it deep rooted this hurt and pain left by your ex? Did he harden your heart so bad that you would never go back to him because his unfulfilled promises of change would keep you from going back? Did you honestly switch off your feelings for him because of so much anger and hurt inflicted by him. Did you lose love for him forever? And this OM was solely there for a quick fix and basicly because he happened to be there at the time? Did your heart ever soften for your remorseful, repentant ex over time? And deep inside your decision that it was over and moving out and telling him it was little to late and no chance of reconcilation...was there hope your actions would finally change him? Or was there no going back..whatever?

My soon to be ex wife, who is holding proceedings as I found out probably because she will lose her privilige to her spouse train travel pass which gets her to work 3 days a week and helps her out financially.
She said to me yesterday that when she left me a "switch" went off. And it NEVER switches back on.
So many times in 2.5 years physically living together she tried desparately to get me to change my ways.
So she came to a point (read above) of no return hence turning off that "switch". Which she has done with any R she has been in.
The difference is we have a D who is 13 mths old and we have to stay in contact. She is still very ANGRY with me and would even say that she wish she didn't have to see me
Is there any WAW reading this who can relate to this? If so HOW the heck do I get her to "switch" back on?
I am not even sure what she entirely means. Gawd I am so in pain