Hi I've been reading the forums and posts here for a while and have finally decided to add my own post. I have learned so much over the past few months from reading these posts - thanks to everyone for their wisdom and generosity in sharing their stories.
I'm pretty sure my husband is having some sort of MLC / Identity crisis. He admitted he had cheated on me a year ago, we then spent a year trying to work things out (i.e me nagging, clinging and trying to change him - whoops!) before he said he wanted to leave. His Dad died when he was little, and he had a very dominating mother - and then married me (a bossy older sister!!) I think he feels like he missed out on being an irresponsible teenager, because he had to look after his mum, and now he is going to make up for lost time. I dont think there is another person in the picture at the moment, but he made it pretty clear that he doesnt want to be married anymore. The whole typical ILYBINILWY etc, "Ive never loved you" etc etc. He went from being the most wonderful, generous, caring person, to angry, selfish and pig-headed! I've spent the last year wondering why I would want to stay with such a loser and then swinging to being madly in love with him and desperately trying to convince him to stay and work it out.
Anyway after he left I found the Divorce Remedy and have been reading as much as I can about MLC etc. Have been pretty proud of myself for DB most of the time. I am much more detached from him and his craziness, and I've found that "choosing" to be separated and accepting that I cant change him or our situation right at the moment has been really helpful in keeping my emotions in control. Which of course helps to do LRT. Sometimes when its really bad I ask myself "Can I accept that I'm separated from H for the next 1/2hour?" and then I can see that I will be fine with or without him. So much better than being upset about something that you cant change!
We've settled most of our stuff very easily, and cause we dont have children there are not a whole lot of excuses for him to contact me (and I'm being very good and not contacting him at all - which is a total 180 for me). He did call me tonight and I was bright and happy. We talked about a few outstanding money details and I said something like "oh that can just wait until the divorce is finalized before we deal with that" and then I joked about how much of a pain it will be to change my name back to my maiden name, because of all the details and forms etc.
Was it wrong to refer to getting a divorce? (At the time it seemed like I was showing him that I'm accepting his decision). I know I really should have steered clear of any relationships talks....... dammn why is this so hard. I know for sure that he is not sitting at home stressing about the conversation, so why am I? I need to GAL!
