I hope she comes to the table for you. I really do.
I sense my h may well do the same thing as your wife once he realises that I will not take his 'keeping both options open' any longer. I have not been happy with his actions for quite some time now and he doesn't appear to have the strength to be on his own and work on himself. I'm not interested in being the bit on the side. I am the wife dammit. I will not be played any more. In fact, I don't know if I could give him another chance but your line about actions rings so true for me.
Words mean nothing...my h has lied about so much and then turned around and accused me of not giving him a chance.
Actions and PMA and acting 'as if' and being faithful and not being abusive (threatening and pushing as he has done on one single occasion which I have flashbacks about) and respecting my needs and space are just some of the things I need evidence of from him.
Ihave fingers crossed for you....your sitch resonates with me. I need to go back and read previous threads to see if that feeling continues.
