time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 3

[phbear316]

EM

Hi, I am trying to think that way and treat him like a roommate. I have had a problem my whole life and it stems from childhood. I have always had to please other in my family. I had a difficult childhood, which has effected me to this day. I am working on it with my therapist. I always feel that i have to fix everything, i have to fix it so the other person is happy, i will and still do sacarfice myself to make others happy. I am an only child, of an only child who was an only child. With a very strict german grandmother who had a hard life growing up, very strict with me. (too many detail to go into now)

Wow you hit the nail on the head, with the statement of are you ok with things this way, Yes i can say that is true. I am in total fear, total fear of i will take what i can get because my only other option will be nothing.

As i sit here and type to you i feel maybe i really need to go away, to clear my head to put this plan of action together, maybe i need to be away from him, to put my plan into action. I am so afraid to go for he will be with her all week, but you know what he leaves me anyway to be with her so, maybe a trip to lay in the sun is what i really need now. I need to make airline reservations, i need to go, alone if it so shall be. Even if i never get out of the room, i need to go, for my mental health, but you know what scares me, i will be coming back to the same situation. Its like every day i wake up saying what a terrible dream and then a second later i realize no dream it is your reality, your hell.

just a side note h was laying on the couch saying he is so tired, yea, yea, the dryer goes off, i go down and bring the laundry up stairs. I sit down on the couch and start putting his socks on the floor, he says i guess i have to help, i said if you don't want to the socks will sit there, and you will be doing the next load of them on your own. H also left a dish in the sink, its still there i will not put it in the washer. Oh h turns off the light in living room, i say i was going to read the paper he says just go behind the couch, i said never mind, i will go in the kitchen, in two seconds the light is on, he says you can come back here and read, i said no i did not ask you to turn the light on again, i did not go back into the living room and the light is still on. Oh well,

Well i am tired so i am going off to bed. thank you EM

Hugs
bear