I see her by myself. She has never seen h. She has indirectly seen his behaviour though as our joint counsellor and her work in the same building and she saw fall out from the session that h and I had two weeks after he shoved me and threatened me.
I'm very much aware of this taking sides thing that you are talking about. I would like to talk to a friend of h's but h would (and has before) seen this as betrayal/jealousy/me turning friend against him. I don't know how else I can get objective opinions other than seeing my therapist (who hasn't heard his side of the story).
I feel very much like the WAS now and wish that h would find this forum and get his hands on DR and go "aah...that's what I need to do. Not pursue, not get in her face, respect her space, no R talks, act 'as if', be friendly and positive, be faithful and show changes". I think however, if I went and got the book and gave it to him it would be a) pursuing and b) reversion to behaviours of pursuing that I have tried not to do as it has always resulted in him backing away in the past.
