Your words, while insightful, are awfully harsh. Considering that WordWeaver is dealing with at least a couple people who are trying to manipulate her, I wonder if it helps to emphasize flaws. I think you are right that no situation is "only" the spouse's issue, and yes, we all need to find what we are effectively blocking with excuses or blindspots, but...
WW, please take from all of us what you need. If Dom's words ring true, great! Go with that. Know, though, that if you are still at the beginning of a separation, there's more than enough time to find, carry and deal the blame.
Sorry, Dom, if I sound critical; I'm just really responding to what seems an intensely worded post. Forgive me if I misread your post...
